u/Amy-Reighn

Hello, I've (46f) had BPD for a long time. I've done DBT. On a waiting list to do it again.

Here's my immediate problem. I just started dating this great guy (46m). He's actually my first love from back in school.

I have trouble when we're not talking. Like when he's at work. I know he's at work. I know why he can't text (he could, to a point), but my brain keeps telling me that he doesn't care enough. That he's not thinking of me even though I'm thinking of him. It's all the time when we're not talking/texting. This is ALL in my head. There's no reason to think he's going behind my back or anything.

What do I do to stop these thoughts? I try distractions. Is there a specific DBT skill I should work on?

TIA

I (46f) gave up dating 12 years ago. At that time, it was because of my mental health and was supposed to be temporary. Then, I continued to not date because of my health problems. I didn't think it was right to bring someone into my shitty world.

Fast forward to today. I'm basically housebound. But, my first love recently came back into my life. Normally, I don't believe in going backward in life, but we only broke up because I moved. It's been 30 years, but it's like no time has passed. We both really enjoy spending time together and care about each other. But, all I can do is have him come over and sit and talk. Sometimes we watch a TV show but we have trouble not talking. It's been great. He's expressed interest in being more than friends, but I hold back. I just don't think it would work long term. I can't sleep in a bed, and I doubt I can even have sex. He knows this but still expresses interest. I just can't imagine he'll feel the same way in 6 months or a year. Would you let someone in knowing you can never go out with them? Never have sex? I know sex isn't everything, but I can't imagine someone being ok to never have it again. Could you remain friends with someone you really care about? Watch them date someone else in the future?

Would you like it, or would you be embarrassed? I recently met a guy that I like. He's done some nice things for me. It's not tit for tat, but I'd like to do something nice for him.

My other thought is to send him lunch, but we're still getting to know each other's likes.

Personally, I think it's nasty?

I sleep in the clothes I wore during the day.