lol TW bro what is life
so lowk my family hates me. I’m 15f and i know i sound like your stereotypical teen girl, “oh everyone hates me”. But i swear they have it out for me. Imma just talk about life and this probably isn’t the right place to be but oh well. I know i don’t sound very serious but i try to get past it by being less serious about it.
So back when i was a child and like 6 i remember my mom being pregnant with my youngest brother and i was excited but then when he was born they stopped paying attention to me which now i understand that he needed more attention. So as time went on these thoughts got to me. I thought about how it’d be no different if i was gone. so little like 7-8 year old me was thinking abt suicide. I was like damn thinking back on it, i was dramatic and trying to find someone to talk to. But my cousins and everyone didn’t care. So one day i decided i was going to do it but my ass got caught. my mom was sooo mad at me she didn’t trust me anymore and i fell apart. She didn’t care about it lowk since she had a child to care for. i was honestly devastated knowing she didn’t care but in my head she had better and more important things to worry about. Which she did i was stupid i swear. But her and i had a conversation abt how younger kids think when another kid is being taken care of it takes the attention from them and i was just wondering if her remembers how i felt then. She comforted another kid about the same thing in his family but knowing that when i was younger she didn’t care it hurt but oh well. i know it’s selfish of me to think this was knowing she had a new kid to care for but damn it gets to ya.
Moving on from that i grew up with that thought that my mom lowk didn’t give a shit that little 7-8 year old me wanted to die. lowk i think i probably resent him deep down for that shit too, he’s now 8 and i swear i get mad at him so easily which i will admit isn’t the best or nicest but he genuinely just says so much stupid shit that it makes me mad.
I was then like 9 when covid hit and damn all i could think was i hope covid takes me out. I lowk prayed abt it and then i got covid and almost died. It was crazy cause my mom lowk still didn’t give a shit. She just kept giving me tylenol and hoped it worked.
You might be wondering about my dad who also didn’t give a shit cause he never tried to make a relationship with me and now that i’m older he thinks i’m just like my mom and i swear he’s my biggest hater, but wtv i don’t like him and im his hater so it doesn’t affect me too much. i try not to let it affect me but im so weak i cry every time we argue cause im a sensitive bum who cry’s when im mad.
anyway the entirety of quarantine all i could think about is how depressed i was. I prayed to god to kill me cause i hated life but he never did cause im here writing this. Honestly i’m not even religious i just pray when i feel like it knowing it does nothing. But back then i just thought maybe he’d listen to me. But he sadly didn’t.
anyways there was many things that happened during quarantine, my mom was a bum who didn’t care since she had more things like work and sickness to worry about. but in the meantime i ranted to my brother who is a year younger. i told him everything. we had bunk beds and i wonder if he remembers all the things id tell him from the top bunk.
but in middle school i was honestly chill. Though i had this friend who was so draining. I loved her but she had the gf who was a player and she would honestly cheat all the time but she was my friend too and they’d argue and break up and i was their therapist. It got to a point where i’d be telling them to break up with each other but they never listened. I got to a point where all my friends knew how much i hated her and i’d try to distance myself but i was her therapist and someone who’d listen and i didn’t want her to lose that. But once they broke up for good i genuinely cheered. I supported them both but damn was i drained. it was never normal when we’d talk it felt like i was only her therapist and nothing else because she’d only ever reach out to vent and talk abt her relationship. We never talked abt anything else. but i’m gladly free from that now in high school since we went to different ones.
let’s rewind back into 7th. I had this friend who happened to be a girl. damn was she touchy, she loved to touch. she’d come up behind me and hug me, her head in my neck. her breath lowk tickled and i felt warm. We’d touch each others thighs and everyone thought we were a couple but we weren’t. So we obviously denied it but guys i lowk liked her but im straight so idk how that works but wtv i still get tingles when i see her in hs in the halls but we didn’t have class together. i know she ain’t straight well she wasn’t in 7th cause she told me.
back to present in 9th everyone still thinks we dated and that we liked each other.
now back to my personal like home life.
now not only is my dad my biggest hater but also my moms. they’ve been together for like 17-18 years and he cheated on my mom with a 17 year old. it’s crazy out here. knowing he’d cheat with someone so close to my age was lowk crazy cause like damn. but when we found out my mom and i gathered evidence and my mom showed him and she lowk crashed tf out on his ass. it was crazy but she took him back too many times and yes she’s dumb for that shit. But now he still sadly lives with us and all i do with him is argue. I try to talk to my mom or brother about it but i swear theyre all my biggest haters cause even though im talking they aren’t like actually listening and yea that sounds bratty and immature and ill admit it is. i’m stupid. but i just wish someone listened. i swear theyre all just think im some angry bum and maybe i am but i sear there’s more to me but im just so angry that he’s here and it pisses me off the way he doesn’t do shit and still lives here. but i can’t do anything but deal with it. all they do is drink but damn i’m so over everyone’s shit i wish everyone was quiet and didn’t say stupid shit.
i’m sure this is all normal stuff and people have it worse than me but guys it’s lowk crazy how pissed i am at life. the. my brother did some stupid shit and now the whole house mad cause my mom went crazy on all of us.
i’ll admit im a bum honestly. i argue a lot and talkback but i never do too much but they’ve got their reasons to be mad but when i try to express myself no one listen sand it hurts to have no one.
moral of the story is i’m pretty sure this is a rant and belongs elsewhere but oh well. also moral of the story 2 is i’m a bum who’s is complaining about minor stuff. if i went into detail it’d be too long bunk already think it’s too long honestly.
guys so sorry for this long ahh thing that shouldn’t even count as a vent cause damn i don’t sound sad.