u/Ancient-Research6626

I’m going to my first post black metal gig in November (Harakiri For the Sky and Sunken, if that helps). I do have a HFtS band t-shirt but idk if it’s considered uncool to wear the t-shirt of the band you’re seeing? Otherwise, what do I wear?

And what should I expect? Despite loving metal, it’ll be my first time at any kind of metal gig, in part due to social anxiety and autism. It seems that black metal shows don’t usually have any/ much moshing? In which case I guess it’ll be more of a gentle introduction. I’m also a woman and worried that I’ll be one of about 4 women in the venue. What are some other dos/ don’ts at the gig?

I (32F) and my fiancé (30M) are both autistic (low support needs and late diagnosed) and are considering whether or not to have kids. For the longest time, we had been leaning strongly CF, in large part due to how difficult our sensory issues, poor sleep quality and need for alone time would make parenting. I have had quite a difficult life (largely due to unsupported autism and the anxiety and depression which arose from this) and would never want my child to go through the life experiences I have been through if they were also autistic. That said, they would have fully supportive and understanding parents, so they would have a very different experience from what I grew up with, though we can’t fully protect them from bullying and ableism.

Maybe it’s my own internalised ableism but for the longest time, I thought my issues meant that I just shouldn’t have children. For a lot of my life, I pretty much closed the door on having children because I didn’t think it would ever even be an option for me.

Over the last couple of years, I have been spending a lot of time questioning whether or not to have children, and part of me is starting to come around to the idea. We’ve never really been around young children before because there are none in our family but my friend now has a 19 month old. While I’ve seem how all-compassing and exhausting parenting can be, I’ve also seen the amount of joy in the small things that it can bring. I don’t know if it’s just my hormones doing their thing but part of me really does want to have kids. My fiancé is also coming around to the idea.

I do wonder if I’ve previously paid too much attention to the negative sides of parenting (particularly as it would be harder for us as autistic parents) and not enough to the potential positives.

While we’d both be really well suited to raise an autistic child with similar support needs to ours, we both worry about the possibility of having a severely disabled child with very high needs. And because we haven’t yet figured out the genetics of autism, there’s no way to tell what our risk would be until we rolled the dice. I also worry if we had a neurotypical child that they might feel alienated from us/ like the odd one out and we would have to work hard to ensure they felt understood and loved as they are.

What worries me is that I’m already 32 and we are currently in the early stages of planning a wedding. Depending on budget/ timing, the wedding may not be for another two years. (If we were to have kids, we’d rather get married first, because the chances of us being able to afford a wedding after kids if pretty slim). By which time, I would be having my first child at 35 or later, with increasing risks of miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities.

We don’t really have any grand plans for if we don’t have kids other than enjoying the peace and quiet and our hobbies, and having one or two dogs (we may still have a dog anyway, even if we do choose to have kids). I worry that we will both be lonely and increasingly isolated as we age (though I know that’s no reason to have a child), though I am looking forward to us potentially being an aunt and uncle.

If there are any neurodivergent parents (particularly if your kids are also neurodivergent) on here, how have you found parenting? Was it worth it or would you go back to being CF if you could?

Is it possible to have low libido permanently from taking SSRI medication years ago? I took 2 different SSRIs (fluoxetine and sertraline) as a teenager and then was on citalopram for 2 weeks when I was 21. The side effects (genital numbing, pleasureless orgasms/ no orgasms) worried me so much that I quit taking it. Those issues resolved soon afterwards but my libido completely fell off a cliff around the same time and hasn’t ever recovered. Obviously it’s normal for sex drive to decline with age but this literally was like night and day. I have real problems with libido in my long-term relationship now (I could go 5 weeks plus with no sex including masturbation and be unbothered) and wonder if it could be linked. The relationship is otherwise very healthy and I want to want it but just don’t have any sexual feelings most of the time.

Edit: I’m 32 now - took citalopram 11 years ago