u/Ancient-Tomorrow9042

This is going to be very long and messy, I might be just ranting atp but I am not in mental state write a structured post.

I am 25F, married him 3 months ago, it was a love marriage. We knew each other since 2019, started dating around 2020. Then it was on and off from their due to my family not agreeing. There was a long gap in 2024 and finally in 2025 we got engaged and married in Jan 2026.

I never checked his phone before bcz i trusted him always, we had each other’s passwords but i never checked cz i dont feel it was needed. Few days back randomly i checked his phone and found that he had shared such posts with 1 particular male friend who was his roommate for last 3 years. It was posts of girls dancing very provocatively, random insta influencers selfies and mirror selfies, even some of the normal girls posing normally, some of their college girls and borderline porn type of stuff. Most of the posts were shared with random remarks on their bodies and figures or what should be done to them or basically rating them like smash or pass, or “she was nice a** perfect for sitting on my f***” and much more vulgar things. I was able to track such exchanges till back in 2023 and it continued till today afternoon. He sent such stuff regularly even after getting married, on the day of our engagement and on our nikah day etc. His friend even commented that “you will be leaving for her(me) house in a hour at least be shameful” in a joking way.

I am totally devastated, it feels like my world has come to an end. Lowering gaze and having good character was one of the non negotiable for me in a partner. I know i am also wrong when i got involved in haram relationship with him but i was not very practicing back then. In last 2-3 years i have changed a lot, I made tauba and I tried my best to turn it into halal relationship. In 2024, I went even on no contact with him for year bcz family was not agreeing and i did not want a haram relationship. Even during that time he kept sending me texts and love messages and when i blocked him he stalked me from wherever possible. Then I too felt i cant be without him and convinced my family somehow. i have started following hijab from last 4 years and started abaya and fully cover myself from last 2 years. I had same expectation from my partner but may be this just a punishment for my past since or a test for me idk.

And this is not even the worst part, Worst part is his reaction to all this. Firstly he acted like whats the issue, why are you over reacting so much, it is just how boys talk. He even tried to make it go away in fun by joking about it, he was literally smiling at me while saying all this and when i showed him some specific texts he smiled reading them like he was reminiscing or something. When i told him how much hurt i am and it is very serious for me, He said he knows it is wrong and he is sorry, he should not have done that but i sense no regret or guilt in is apology. He told me it meant nothing boys just send this stuff and i am not that kind a person i just sent it to one guy bcz our friendship is like that. If i was really like that i would have sent this to so many more people but i did not do it.

Also, few days back i noticed such posts on his feed and pointed it out he said i dont want all this, you know how algo works it promotes such stuff blah blah. Then after few days i saw his like on such post and told him that it hurt me a lot and i dont feel like being physical with him after seeing his like on such stuff. I made it very clear and i wont be able to continue the marriage if it will be like this, he said she was in his college and recently became an influencer and he is just supporting her, he did not even notice that post was sexual. After seeing his convos with this friend i know those were just white lies and he was gaslighting me.

There is one more thing, he had one crush before we started dating, i knew about her, he even talked about her, how it would have been perfect being with her if it worked out, some “missing her” posts, her dps n pics thru stalking her and even sexual posts n comments about her like “If I would have gotten married to her, i would have shown how to f***”. Mind you she got married 2 years back still all these messages. When i asked him about this, he said you left me in 2024, i was very lonely and vulnerable, alone in a new city what else i could have done. Due to sexual frustration and depression etc it happened and he said those things. But there were few messaged about her even from 2023 when we were still in contact and discussing about marriage. About those he said he was sorry and it was wrong but it was only when pointed them out until that time he dis not even acknowledged them.

I asked him why he still continued it after being engaged and then married, he said it became a habit and he felt it was not that wrong. He did not think of me while sending those things it was just posts for him like memes nothing serious. I was still very stressed and kept fighting with him, he became very irritated that I did wrong, i accepted it and apologised why cant you just move forward now and resolve it. I said its not easy. Between all this he also brought a mistake i did in 2019 and said you did much worse than this but i still forgave you, i was also feeling the same way you are feeling but i got over it bcz i loved you.

When we just started dating, i was not very practicing and i had male friends and i was very comfortable with them. Once in a conversation with male friend, sexual topic came up and he asked me if you like this thing and i answered it that no i don’t. there were few more questions but it was general and only this question was personal and was directed towards me. I know i did wrong, i was very guilty about it, i apologised to him for that again n again. later we i started practicing, It again came up in a fight and apologised again for it. It was a recurring topic, he brought it up again in this fight and told me what i mentioned above. I told him it is not fair, i already apologised for it and he is being manipulative by bringing this up. (tell me if this is manipulation or not?)

He brought up his other problem with me as well. Actually, We both have other complaints with each other regarding finances, me not initiating things in bedroom, him not keeping my needs in bedroom as a priority, also him not making me a priority in life. I thought i could deal with all this but after all this i am clueless.

He is angry with me now, cz I am not letting this go and not being normal. He said i tried so much with you but you are being stubborn which is very bad for relationship. You don’t want to solve it and you are unnecessarily stretching it.

I don’t feel we are compatible, i feel he is being manipulative. But leaving him after 3 months of marriage is a very big decision for me, he is the love of my life. I just cant believe he would turn out this way? He was so loving and caring and genuinely felt was of good character. I don’t know what advice i need. Did someone face anything similar? Am i wrong in all this? is he being toxic and manipulating? Can i salvage this marriage?

This is going to be very long and messy, I might be just ranting atp but I am not in mental state write a structured post.

I am 25F, married him 3 months ago, it was a love marriage. We knew each other since 2019, started dating around 2020. Then it was on and off from their due to my family not agreeing. There was a long gap in 2024 and finally in 2025 we got engaged and married in Jan 2026.

I never checked his phone before bcz i trusted him always, we had each other’s passwords but i never checked cz i dont feel it was needed. Few days back randomly i checked his phone and found that he had shared such posts with 1 particular male friend who was his roommate for last 3 years. It was posts of girls dancing very provocatively, random insta influencers selfies and mirror selfies, even some of the normal girls posing normally, some of their college girls and borderline porn type of stuff. Most of the posts were shared with random remarks on their bodies and figures or what should be done to them or basically rating them like smash or pass, or “she was nice a** perfect for sitting on my f***” and much more vulgar things. I was able to track such exchanges till back in 2023 and it continued till today afternoon. He sent such stuff regularly even after getting married, on the day of our engagement and on our nikah day etc. His friend even commented that “you will be leaving for her(me) house in a hour at least be shameful” in a joking way.

I am totally devastated, it feels like my world has come to an end. Lowering gaze and having good character was one of the non negotiable for me in a partner. I know i am also wrong when i got involved in haram relationship with him but i was not very practicing back then. In last 2-3 years i have changed a lot, I made tauba and I tried my best to turn it into halal relationship. In 2024, I went even on no contact with him for year bcz family was not agreeing and i did not want a haram relationship. Even during that time he kept sending me texts and love messages and when i blocked him he stalked me from wherever possible. Then I too felt i cant be without him and convinced my family somehow. i have started following hijab from last 4 years and started abaya and fully cover myself from last 2 years. I had same expectation from my partner but may be this just a punishment for my past since or a test for me idk.

And this is not even the worst part, Worst part is his reaction to all this. Firstly he acted like whats the issue, why are you over reacting so much, it is just how boys talk. He even tried to make it go away in fun by joking about it, he was literally smiling at me while saying all this and when i showed him some specific texts he smiled reading them like he was reminiscing or something. When i told him how much hurt i am and it is very serious for me, He said he knows it is wrong and he is sorry, he should not have done that but i sense no regret or guilt in is apology. He told me it meant nothing boys just send this stuff and i am not that kind a person i just sent it to one guy bcz our friendship is like that. If i was really like that i would have sent this to so many more people but i did not do it.

Also, few days back i noticed such posts on his feed and pointed it out he said i dont want all this, you know how algo works it promotes such stuff blah blah. Then after few days i saw his like on such post and told him that it hurt me a lot and i dont feel like being physical with him after seeing his like on such stuff. I made it very clear and i wont be able to continue the marriage if it will be like this, he said she was in his college and recently became an influencer and he is just supporting her, he did not even notice that post was se*ual. After seeing his convos with this friend i know those were just white lies and he was gaslighting me.

There is one more thing, he had one crush before we started dating, i knew about her, he even talked about her, how it would have been perfect being with her if it worked out, some “missing her” posts, her dps n pics thru stalking her and even sexual posts n comments about her like “If I would have gotten married to her, i would have shown how to f***”. Mind you she got married 2 years back still all these messages. When i asked him about this, he said you left me in 2024, i was very lonely and vulnerable, alone in a new city what else i could have done. Due to se*ual frustration and depression etc it happened and he said those things. But there were few messaged about her even from 2023 when we were still in contact and discussing about marriage. About those he said he was sorry and it was wrong but it was only when pointed them out until that time he dis not even acknowledged them.

I asked him why he still continued it after being engaged and then married, he said it became a habit and he felt it was not that wrong. He did not think of me while sending those things it was just posts for him like memes nothing serious. I was still very stressed and kept fighting with him, he became very irritated that I did wrong, i accepted it and apologised why cant you just move forward now and resolve it. I said its not easy. Between all this he also brought a mistake i did in 2019 and said you did much worse than this but i still forgave you, i was also feeling the same way you are feeling but i got over it bcz i loved you.

When we just started dating, i was not very practicing and i had male friends and i was very comfortable with them. Once in a conversation with male friend, sexual topic came up and he asked me if you like this thing and i answered it that no i don’t. there were few more questions but it was general and only this question was personal and was directed towards me. I know i did wrong, i was very guilty about it, i apologised to him for that again n again. later we i started practicing, It again came up in a fight and apologised again for it. It was a recurring topic, he brought it up again in this fight and told me what i mentioned above. I told him it is not fair, i already apologised for it and he is being manipulative by bringing this up. (tell me if this is manipulation or not?)

He brought up his other problem with me as well. Actually, We both have other complaints with each other regarding finances, me not initiating things in bedroom, him not keeping my needs in bedroom as a priority, also him not making me a priority in life. I thought i could deal with all this but after all this i am clueless.

He is angry with me now, cz I am not letting this go and not being normal. He said i tried so much with you but you are being stubborn which is very bad for relationship. You don’t want to solve it and you are unnecessarily stretching it.

I don’t feel we are compatible, i feel he is being manipulative. But leaving him after 3 months of marriage is a very big decision for me, he is the love of my life. I just cant believe he would turn out this way? He was so loving and caring and genuinely felt was of good character. I don’t know what advice i need. Did someone face anything similar? Am i wrong in all this? is he being toxic and manipulating? Can i salvage this marriage?