u/AnnieLuneInTheSky

Hi!

Last night I reached a meaningful milestone for me: 2 months benzo free. I wanted to share it, in case it gives hope to some of you but also to thank you because a few days ago, I hit a wall; I was considering taking some and this sub was helpful to keep me on the right path.

So anyway, I was on benzos regularly for years and in the last few years, I’d take 3-4 mg of clonazepam about 3 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes not at all because I was out of pills. When I noticed I started getting physical withdrawal symptoms, I decided to stop. I asked my family doctor and psychiatrist to help me with a quick diazepam taper. Both refused because they didn’t trust me to not binge with the diazepam too. So I was on my own. I did what I had to do to stop. Because of my binging issues, I couldn’t handle a long taper. I checked with my pharmacist and with my addiction counselor: they supported me. So in that regard, I was lucky. I won’t go into more details because most people absolutely need to do a slow taper, especially in the context of long term daily usage.

The withdrawal was rough at times. But at two months, it looks like the worst of it is behind me. Most days, I’m so glad I’m off that poison. But some days, when life gets really hard, I miss it. I’m trying my best to not give in on those days. So far, sleeping on it has resolved the problem. I wake up and I think “so glad I didn’t take anything last night”. I also don’t keep any at home just in case I can’t help myself in the moment. Fingers crossed that it keeps working for me.

To those trying to get off benzos: I hope you succeed. And to those who succeeded: I’m proud of you.

EDIT: To the people who keep downvoting me every time I mention I didn’t do a long taper, you’re not helping. If my family doctor, my psychiatrist, my pharmacist and my addiction counselor didn’t have a problem with the way I handled *my* recovery, you shouldn’t either. I’m not encouraging anyone to follow in my exact footsteps. I’m simply sharing my journey. We’re here to encourage each other, not to bring each other down.

Hi!

I’m in the middle of a flare. It’s the first one in years so I’m out of practice. I had diarrhea for 3 weeks and it seems my body staged a revolt because for the last 9 days, I’ve been very constipated. I’m not sure what to do. I know laxatives aren’t recommended. What helps you when this happens?

I’m 54 days off clonazepam. It’s been rough here and there but I’ve been doing mostly okay. I was 100% committed… until tonight.

Without going into details, my life has been very challenging for the last year or so. Chronic illness, caregiving, etc. Heavy stuff. I’ve been feeling like it’s too much for months but things keep piling up.

Today was especially stressful. And now I want nothing more than unplug my brain with my precious yet poisonous benzos.

EDIT: we’re now about 10 hours after I wrote my message. I managed to not take any benzos. I haven’t had any at my house for the last (now) 55 days. I leave them at the drugstore in case of emergency. That definitely helped last night although I came very close to go pick them up. I’m still upset and overwhelmed but I’m feeling calmer. Thank you again for the support 💜

Hi!

I’m a 51 year old woman and I started gaming about 3 years ago. I discovered Fortnite shortly after. It took me a while to be sort of decent. I just play for fun so it doesn’t really matter to me if I suck but you know, it’s still exciting to actually kick ass!

Well, I just had my best performance yet. Not only did I win but I did it with 13 kills. That’s very solid for me and it’s nice to see how much I’ve improved over time.

That’s it. Just wanted to share my accomplishment with people who might get it 😊

Hi!

I’ve been alcohol free for 43 days and benzo free for 44 days. So far I’ve been doing this on my own. It’s surprisingly going well. I’m a 51 year old woman and this is my first attempt at getting sober. I didn’t expect it to be this “easy” but here we are. However, I’m pretty sure it will get tough at some point and I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t get involved in AA to help me stay sober long term.

I’m hesitating because 1- I’m an atheist and 2- I have social anxiety. So I’m wondering if AA is for me. And yes I know, I should just go to a meeting and see for myself. But the social anxiety part is a real obstacle so I thought I’d start by asking here. I’d like to know if, based on your knowledge of sobriety and AA, someone like me could benefit from the program.