u/Annual-Yoghurt-8544

Matagal na itong nangyari, pero paminsan-minsan, napapaisip pa rin ako if kung nag cheat ba siya sa akin o wla? Gusto ko lang marinig ang mga opinyon ninyo para matapos na ang pag-iisip ko about sa nangyare. Pero di ito ang reason kung bakit nag break kami.

Naging cold yung ex ko for two weeks maikli, mabagal, at dry na yung replies niya, which hindi naman siya dati. Dati kasi masaya kami mag-usap at ramdam ko talagang gusto niya akong kausap. Iniisip ko baka dahil naging busy ako sa studies at konti na lang oras ko para sa kanya.

Kaya gusto kong bumawi at ayusin lahat, so niyaya ko siya mag-date kumain tapos sine. Habang nasa sinehan kami, lumabas siya para mag-CR. Dahil may pinagseselosan akong “childhood friend” niya na laging nagre-react at comment sa posts niya, naging curious ako at chineck ko chats nila.

Doon ko nalaman na habang halos hindi kami nag-uusap for two weeks, lagi pala silang magka-chat. Nagsesendan sila updates, pics, at napansin kong nagfi-flirt yung guy sa kanya. May “I love you” pa nga. Hindi naman siya nagre-reply ng ganoon, pero parang gusto niya yung attention kasi hinahayaan niya lang. Alam din nung guy na may boyfriend siya.

Pagbalik niya, nakita niya akong umiiyak. Cinomfort niya ako at sinabi na friends lang daw talaga sila at wala akong dapat ikatakot. After nun, sinabi niya na okay na raw lahat, hindi na raw siya makikipag-chat sa guy at dinelete na niya yung convo nila habang niyayakap niya ako. Sinabi rin niya na hindi naman sila magkikita kasi malayo sila sa isa’t isa.

I finally understood why I am afraid of lying beside the dead body of my wife.

It is not the body I am afraid of, it is the absence of her soul. Because it was never her body that I married. It was her soul. Her laughter, her warmth, her presence. And when a person dies, the soul departs, and what remains is nothing more than an empty shell. A vessel without life. Without her.

And that is what terrifies me, the thought of holding something that looks like her, but is no longer her.

I understand why people cling to the body of someone they lost. That desperate need to hold on, to be close, to refuse to let go, even for just a little longer. I understand it. But I know myself, and that is not me. Because what I would be holding is no longer the person I loved. The body without her soul is a stranger wearing her face.

And I don't think I could bear that.

It's 4AM and my brain said, let's think about this. I don't even have a wife yet.