u/Anon_242

Hi folks!

Planning on applying for a second IM subspecialty fellowship in a year. At that point, I’ll have been out of my prior fellowship training (and worked as an attending) for 3 years.
It’s a bit unclear from the ERAS website- do I need a LOR from my prior fellowship PD? I would imagine not residency PD but again, not super clear

If anyone has gone back to fellowship after being an attending for a bit, would appreciate some guidance.

Thanks for reading!

Hi everyone
My husband and I have been together for 14 years. Initially when we met, neither of us wanted children. However, as time passed, we came to the mutual decision to have one child (there was no coercion, threats, ultimatums, begging, etc).
We now have a ~1.5 year old daughter after a relatively uncomplicated pregnancy and very traumatic delivery (baby and I both almost died). Our daughter has been somewhere in the middle difficulty wise- not as easy as I’ve heard some babies are, but not TOO difficult.
My husband, unfortunately, has really not bonded well with our baby and is having regrets about parenthood overall. I unexpectedly love being a mom far more than I could have ever imagined, to the point where I would like a second child (assuming it’s not medically high risk- I haven’t had that visit yet).

Obviously, there will be no second child, because my husband doesn’t want one.

So I’m just wondering if there are any folks out there who have been in the same situation, and what sorts of strategies did you use to cope? If you were in therapy, what were some of the most helpful things to do/think about? I’m just so incredibly sad, even though I understand his position, empathize with it, and know I have no business trying to change his mind (I would never do that). But it’s just so hard, especially when I do nearly all of the childcare (she goes to daycare part time, because I work full time, but we have parents that help a bit too, for which I am so thankful), so it’s not like he’s already doing the brunt of the work and I’m asking him to take on more. (Because it will probably come up- divorce is not on the table for this; I’m also about 40) Thank you for reading.

Hi folks,
I want to preface my post by saying I understand (and completely agree with!!) the following: (1) if it’s not two enthusiastic yeses, it’s a no, and (2) there is no such thing as trying to convince someone to have a(nother) child- it’s something they have to come to/want on their own (see (1)!)

My husband and I have been together over ten years. At first we thought we would remains child free, and then decided (together, without any coercion of any sort by one or the other) to indeed have a child- and that we would be one and done.

We ended up struggling with infertility and are so incredibly lucky to have been able to access IVF and now have an amazing miracle baby. Unfortunately, my labor/delivery was pretty traumatic (baby and I both almost died). My husband struggled with postpartum depression afterwards, at least partly (although likely not wholly) from the birth trauma.

I was very shocked to find that even through everything (formerly not thinking I wanted kids at all, to wanting one and only one, followed by the birth trauma), I’ve started to think about maybe I would want one more. Now, this is a loaded proposition, because we might be one and done due to further infertility issues (we have a couple of embryos left but there’s a good possibility the transfers won’t work), due to financial constraints, etc etc etc.

But all of that aside…my husband has made comments that he continues to be one and done. Realistically, if we were even to try again, we would be looking at a 3-4 year age gap (this would be due to finances alone, let alone everything else, even if we were both on board with having a second child).

As I said above, I would NEVER, EVER try to convince my husband to feel differently- not my place, not my right.
But My question is, for those who WERE one and done and changed their minds, what was your experience/timeline? I’m particular interested in those who identity as men/non-birthing partners, especially if you had a tough time in the postpartum period like me husband did, but of course, any and all perspectives welcome. Thank you for reading and wishing clarity for all those questioning!