Did I experience COCSA or am I just dramatic?
when i was 7-8 I would hang out with these 2 twin girls who were 5-6, they lived in the same neighborhood as me and our parents were friends so naturally we had some play dates. We would play inside with toys and outside with scooters, we were just playing like normal little girls at first but after I started getting closer to them and hanging out with them more often they started to flash me and like spread there lips down there apart to show me themselves, every once and a while, I told them that only parents should see privet parts because that’s what I was told as a kid. Kids tease each other that’s normal, but they’d do it in a way that wasn’t normal. they’d think I was the weird one for not showing myself because apparently that’s what close friends were supposed to do. they’d like hump each other in front of me and make a lot of butt jokes.
They were young they didn’t know any better but thinking about it now i’m kinda concerned as to where they learnt all that stuff from. When we got closer before they started with all the flashing stuff they asked me multiple times if I wanted to join their “sisters adult club” or something similar to that, when I said yes there wasn’t any adult in that “club” that I know of. I also didn’t know that the club activity’s would be that, I thought they ment we’d still play together normally but call it a club for fun. I did eventually tell on them by telling their mom that they kept pulling their pants down (I was a very shy kid and they were my friends so I didn’t want them to get in trouble but I just got so annoyed and uncomfortable I had to) I told there mom that they kept pulling their skirt down, which is true but the mom took it as they were doing it to show off their cute underwear, which that was not what they were doing. they took their underwear off first before flipping their skirt up showing themselves, and they’d like touch each other down there, I feel so grossed out talking about it. I only told there mom when they kept trying and to touch me, and trying to get me to touch them. and I wasn’t brave enough to tell her everything because I didn’t want to snitch on my friends to there mom.
at family friend parties they would hump each other (with there clothes on) when all the kids were playing in the basement alone. none of them including me realized how disturbing it was because we were so young I didn’t really understand what was happening I just knew that I was uncomfortable. They moved away a long time ago and I do really hope those girls are okay, that was very clearly learnt behavior and no child should be exposed to those kinds of things. I wouldn’t consider myself to be a victim of COCSA because they never touched me down there unclothed, but I do feel like this must’ve given me some type of trauma