How do I (21f) stop acting like a child, so people will actually be attracted to me? 🥲
So, well, I should probably try to explain my situation 😅 but before i start, i should also mention, i have adhd (inattentive type) and a strong suspection for autism ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ also, english is not my native language, so i'm sorry for any mistakes ๑﹏๑
i never had a real relationship before, only what we call "getting-to-know-you" phases in my country (yk, the stage where you see if you're compatible.) I think it was called "dating phase" in english, so i'll refer to it as that in this post ( ⑅ 𓈒. .𓈒 ︡𐑠. So, yeah, i've had mutliple people be attracted to me, i am not a virgin and i had dating-phases with 2 people, but they both broke things off, and i think i know the reason why: it's my personality qwq. I guess i'm conventionally pretty enough for people to think i'm attractive, but my personality is what's unattractive to them. (btw, the 2 ppl i had dating phases with, and the guy that took my virginity, were also neurodivergent, in case that's important).
Because whenever i'm around my crushes, i just somehow start acting really childlike, idk, it's hard to explain. I don't do straight up baby-talk, i think, but i enjoy giving them nicknames that are kinda cutesy variatons of their given names, or, idk qwq i also act relatively childlike in my day-to-day life, such as talking about myself in 3rd person (irdk why i do this, it just feels more comfy to talk about myself that way ahdjdgjd), or sometimes not saying full sentences. Sometines i also tend to act more mature, when i'm with friends who are more childlike themselves, but with other friendgroups, the childishness comes out more. i think it's a mask that i sometimes wear because it feels nice, but it's also kind of part of my personality? 😅 because when i'm with my family, i feel like it's a mix of me being mature and childlike.
But the childishness just explodes to extremes when i'm around people i have a crush on, like, i just get th hugee urge to physically cling to them, and idk, i noticed i just act more like a child, like, i either get bouncy and excited, or i just, idk, get shy in the way that a child would? Maybe it's also a way of fawning, because i realized i tend to do this more when i'm nervous? But i'm not sure, i kinda don't even really know what fawning exactly means, tbh qwq
But, well, i really guess the overall childlike-ness is what turns them off, eventually 😭 for example, i'm still friends with the guy that took my virginity 4 years ago, but we didn't do much else in that direction anymore, because he said once, now that he knows me more, he kinda sees me as a kid 🥲
On top of that, i know it's not healthy, but i think i kinda like being infantilized a little by my romantic partners? ;-; (at least, as long as they don't tell me what to do, bc i hate getting my freedom restricted). i know that it could be, because my dad wasn't present when I was little. he wasn't abusive at all, he just was working all the time when we were kids, and only sometimes read a book to us at night, and my mom had to take care of the rest, alone (sry to my mom at that part 😅)
But, i just think that if i ever want to have a real relationship, i'll have to act more like my age, but i don't know how to do that, at all ( ͒ ́ඉ .̫ ඉ ̀ ͒) the word "adult" has had a negative association for me ever since i was 15, i think, and idk how to turn it into something positive, now that i'm supposed to be an adult, myself (╥﹏╥)
And also, once, one of my ex-crushes told me, that anyone who is sexually attracted to me, is a pedo 😭 (luckily this person is out of my life, but sometimes i feel like he might have been right 🥹)
I hope this post makes sense or anything (ᵕ ´ ∇ ˋ ˶)