u/AntQueasy8445

So I have this friend who i met online. Genuinely speaking, i haven't done anything for her that really matters. I just talk with her, send funny reels, and she does the same. Out of nowhere, one day she said we are besties. Yea fine. Even I like talking with her on calls and vc. She had a breakup with a guy last year and she still hasn't moved on.

And because you guys and i don't know each other, i will also speak the truth. I had a breakup kinda (because I never dated her) with a girl who I loved for more than 6 years. She ghosted me during those years and never really confronted what happened. Maybe an apology would've been enough for me because it would've shown that I matter. I only gave love and never really received it. And due to this, somewhere in my heart, I have an insecurity or a void: am I not good enough? Would I always be someone's 2nd or 3rd or last choice? Why can't someone be so sure about me?

Okay, I forgot one more thing. There was another girl I used to talk to. I thought I was the closest to her because she said so, but her actions said otherwise. That's why I'm skeptical now and don't really believe people when they say I'm their bsf or priority. I stopped talking to her because it became suffocating.

So when this girl says we are bsf forever, it confuses me. How is she so sure about it? Am I only limited to being just a bsf? She says these things so confidently and I don't know how to react. And to be very clear, there are two things bothering me here.

First, if we're really best friends, what did I even do to become that? I genuinely don't think I did anything special. And imo real best friends would do anything for ya, right? She can't even say sorry to me for many things she gave done. She smokes and I absolutely hate smoking. Did she quit? No. Back then we weren't even that close when she told me all this. She said she's not a child, many people asked her to quit but she didn't, and when she wants to quit, she will. Then she said if she only wanted casual talks, she wouldn't have bothered explaining things to me, but because she wanted to continue the friendship, she was calling me and explaining all this.

But while listening to her, all I could think was: why is she deciding all this on her own? Why is she never asking me if I even want to continue the friendship or not? At some point it stopped being about cigarettes. It became about the fact that she never really asks what I want.

And the second thing is, her saying "we are best friends forever" almost feels insulting to me sometimes because it sounds like she is completely sure she will never love me. Maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm not. But because of my past, every time someone says things like "you're my priority" or "you're my best friend," instead of feeling happy, I start doubting it. Words don't affect me much anymore because I've heard them before while actions said something else.

Maybe I'm just connecting emotional validation with love because I rarely received either properly. I know friendships aren't supposed to be transactions and people have their own boundaries and choices. But is it really wrong to want effort, reassurance, consideration, or at least to feel chosen sometimes?

So I have this friend who i met online. Genuinely speaking, i haven't done anything for her that really matters. I just talk with her, send funny reels, and she does the same. Out of nowhere, one day she said we are besties. Yea fine. Even I like talking with her on calls and vc. She had a breakup with a guy last year and she still hasn't moved on.

And because you guys and i don't know each other, i will also speak the truth. I had a breakup kinda (because I never dated her) with a girl who I loved for more than 6 years. She ghosted me during those years and never really confronted what happened. Maybe an apology would've been enough for me because it would've shown that I matter. I only gave love and never really received it. And due to this, somewhere in my heart, I have an insecurity or a void: am I not good enough? Would I always be someone's 2nd or 3rd or last choice? Why can't someone be so sure about me?

Okay, I forgot one more thing. There was another girl I used to talk to. I thought I was the closest to her because she said so, but her actions said otherwise. That's why I'm skeptical now and don't really believe people when they say I'm their bsf or priority. I stopped talking to her because it became suffocating.

So when this girl says we are bsf forever, it confuses me. How is she so sure about it? Am I only limited to being just a bsf? She says these things so confidently and I don't know how to react. And to be very clear, there are two things bothering me here.

First, if we're really best friends, what did I even do to become that? I genuinely don't think I did anything special. And imo real best friends would do anything for ya, right? She can't even say sorry to me for many things she gave done. She smokes and I absolutely hate smoking. Did she quit? No. Back then we weren't even that close when she told me all this. She said she's not a child, many people asked her to quit but she didn't, and when she wants to quit, she will. Then she said if she only wanted casual talks, she wouldn't have bothered explaining things to me, but because she wanted to continue the friendship, she was calling me and explaining all this.

But while listening to her, all I could think was: why is she deciding all this on her own? Why is she never asking me if I even want to continue the friendship or not? At some point it stopped being about cigarettes. It became about the fact that she never really asks what I want.

And the second thing is, her saying "we are best friends forever" almost feels insulting to me sometimes because it sounds like she is completely sure she will never love me. Maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm not. But because of my past, every time someone says things like "you're my priority" or "you're my best friend," instead of feeling happy, I start doubting it. Words don't affect me much anymore because I've heard them before while actions said something else.

Maybe I'm just connecting emotional validation with love because I rarely received either properly. I know friendships aren't supposed to be transactions and people have their own boundaries and choices. But is it really wrong to want effort, reassurance, consideration, or at least to feel chosen sometimes?