u/Antique_Ad_2776

Backstory: have a double ear infection for 2 weeks. One week ago I went to Urgent Care where it was diagnosed & prescribed amoxicillin. 3 doses left and my left ear feels worse (can honestly barely hear from it) so I call GP and they schedule an out of hours appt for following day (yesterday - Saturday). Dr confirmed infection & amoxicillin hasn’t touched left ear (although right ear is completely back to normal now) so he prescribed an antibiotic/steroid ear drop to target it directly. I told him to send to pharmacy where I live (20 mins away). However by the time I got there it was closed (2pm - I got there at 2:30. I honestly thought that pharmacy closed at 4pm on Saturday’s - my mistake). I never need to go to the pharmacy and don’t walk by there often.

So I called another open pharmacy near me but they couldn’t see my prescription on my NHS app for some reason so he advised to call 111 so they could send it to an open pharmacy. 111 had to book me for another out of hours appt but over the telephone scheduled for 30 mins later. I didn’t get a call back for an hour. Here’s the story now:

The dr who called, the whole phone call her tone was full of attitude and accusation. Literally said “you already spoke to my colleague earlier today.” No greeting or introduction, nothing.
So I explained situation & said my prescription was sent to a closed pharmacy. I wasn’t blaming the dr at all, it was my mistake for not realising it would have been closed by the time I got there. She said “well did YOU choose the pharmacy?” So I said yes but I didn’t realise it was closed at the time. She got annoyed and huffed, and asked which pharmacy I’d like it sent to, so I told her another one I knew was open near me and as I was giving her the post code she kept interrupting me because she didn’t hear the number I was saying (but how could you if you keep interrupting!) had to repeat it 4 times, I was basically shouting into the phone. Then another snarky comment: “well how do you know THIS pharmacy is open?” (Again, it’s all in the tone!). So I said 111 checked all local pharmacies to me and said it closes at 8pm (by this point it was almost 6:30 so all pharmacies other than Tesco was closed). She said Ok, sent my prescription and hung up.

I just don’t understand why she was so rude! Anyway the pharmacy had run out of what I needed so I spent 30 mins on the M25 to the only pharmacy that closes at 10pm on a Saturday. 😭

Hopefully these ear drops work!

I’m posting here because I literally have nobody else to turn to, I can’t talk to anyone about this.

For the last month or so, I have been sinking slowly into a depression. I do have a history of this so this is nothing new, except I was unsaved then. I was saved Oct 2024 and it’s never been quite this bad.

For the last week or so, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. I won’t actually do it, it’s just there in the back of my mind. I get this internal voice saying I would be better off, theres no point, etc.

I see people that are happy and it breaks me on the inside. You can tell when people are genuinely happy by their eyes. I look into mine and it’s just empty.

I work for my church. My boss (also the pastor) knows I struggle at times, but he doesn’t really offer any support. On top of that whenever I have conflict with my husband it makes everything worse. I’m not close to my family. I don’t really have many friends.

I feel deeply alone. I’ve been running from God. I had a good week last week in terms of studying the Bible, praying a lot more, etc. then everything seemed to just take a turn. I’ve barely gotten out of bed this week. I don’t think God sees me.

I feel so unloveable and completely unwanted by everyone in my life, God included. And it makes these thoughts worse, and it solidifies my belief that maybe I really shouldn’t be here and there’s only one end to this.

I know God may not ever heal me in this lifetime. But I don’t see Him in my situation either.

I am considering therapy. I had a recent Drs appt and they gave me more anxiety medication. I stopped taking it after a couple months as my symptoms improved and I was fine for a good while until recently. This has seemed to come out of nowhere because nothing has triggered this.

I would deeply appreciate some prayers and some wisdom. People always refer to therapy etc but I also would love some spiritual advice and prayer. That’s what I’m lacking the most.

Thank you.