u/Anxious-Adagio-1037

TW: Abvse, SA, Svicide

(English is not my fist language)

This is going to be a long one… To understand the whole story i need to tell you about my relationship before my now boyfriend.

I was in a 5 year relationship from age 15-20 and with my ex who was 18-23. I ended the relationship in november 2024. There are so many reasons i ended the relationship with him. I paid everything for him - his living, bills, food, a car, his drivers license, gas, clothing, his hobbies ect. Just because he was broke or jobless and i didn‘t want him to mis out. In exchance he lied to me and did so many things to hurt me. So i ended the relationship. Because we got together when i was so young, i kinda had an existentcial crisis. I didn‘t know who i was and had nobody because he didn‘t allow me to go out with female friends. So after the break up i confide in a female workfriend. She told me that after her break up with her ex she texted him through many diffrent fake accounts to prank him. She said it helped her a lot with getting over it. So i asked if i could have access to one of her fake accounts. I texted my ex for a while but after a few days i felt childish and silly so i stopped, but didn‘t delet the account from my phone. I didn‘t know why i did it. I hated him and didn‘t really care about him. Maybe i wanted to hurt him like he hurt me, idk. For the timeline: i started and stopped to text him in april 2025

I met my now boyfriend in june 2025 so over a half year after my break up. When we began dating, everything was perfect. I saw a few redflags but ignored them. Like he got angry easily but in the beginnig he was never angry at me. After being together for 2 weeks he saw this other account and the chat with my ex. He didn‘t open the chat but there was a message send the day before. My workfriend texted my ex after i stopped but i didn‘t knew that. My boyfriend obviously thought it was me still texting with him. Which i understand why he would think that but i wasn‘t. At the time i stopped to text my ex with this fake account i didn‘t even know my now boyfriend. He got so angry and sad but decided to stay with me because he loved me so much. But from this moment on he never believed me anything i sais or did. I said sorry so many times. To understand what i mean by that here are e few exempels.

1. ⁠My boyfriend lives 200km away from me. He asked me where my ex lives now after we broke up. I said i didn‘t know. Maybe by his grandmother which lives in the same city as me. We can call it city-a. Then he asked me where his parents live. I said his mother lived in city-b and his father lived in city-c. He asked me multiple times days after this conversation and i always gave the same answer: I don’t know- maybe he lives with his grandmother i city-a.

A few months later he told me i lied about the living situation of my ex. He said everytime he asked me that question i gave him a diffrent answer. I said that is not correct my answer is always the same. I don‘t know and i don‘t care about the location of my ex. A year later he still says i‘m lying.

2. He thinks i call my ex to come over when he is not around. Thats not true, he has no reason to think that.

3. He thinks i still text with him. Which is not true. He searched my phone and didn‘t find anything.

4. He doesn‘t think that i told the truth about my relationship with my ex. He doesen‘t believe i broke up with my ex and he doesn’t believe my reasons for the breakup.

He also started to treat my diffrently. When we go out together i‘m not allowed to look sad or unhappy, but i‘m not allowed to smile at people or look at them. I‘m not allowed to look at the floor either. I need to walk i front of him but i can‘t walk to slow or to fast. I‘m not allowed to stop walking or to look back to see where he is, but if i don‘t realise he stopped walking he gets angry. I can‘t do anything right.

When i cook for us he tells me how good it is and a few days later he tells me he hated it. So i stopped cooking and that made him angry.

I have two bathrooms in my appartment he uses manly the small bathroom and i use the big one. He showered and and threw the dirty towl in the basket. The next day he wanted to shower while i was at work and there was no towl because he threw it in the basket. I didn‘t realise there was no towl because i didn‘t use this bathroom in the mean time. Now he stood there completely wet and no towl. He texted me at work called me names till i cried at work. In my lunch break he called me and screamed at me my whole lunch break.

One time we fightet and i felt dizzy all of a sudden and hit my head really bad. I had a concussion after that and tried to crawl to bed because i didn‘t feel well and he wouldn‘t stopp screaming at me while i was on the floor crying and trying to help myself.

One time we had a fight and he screamed so loud and called me names and threw my things around the appartment till my neighbors ringed the bell to see if i‘m ok. He was so mad at me because of this.

He called me dumd, a slvt, a useless wh*re and many other things. He said i understood why my parents physically and mentally hurt me while i was a child and why they wanted me to unalive myself.

I told him, that i was SA‘d two times. First time with 8 years old and the second time with 20 years old. He told me that it‘s my own fault and i‘m a slut because of that. But besides the two times i got SA‘d i only slept with my ex and him. He has a bodycount of over 50 women…

That was my life for the past year and i think i‘m going insane.

In his opinion it‘s okay to treat me this way because i cheated on him. I know it was shitty and childish of me to texted my ex. I know i‘m wrong for that, but do i really deserve this?

TW: Abvse, SA, Svicide

(English is not my fist language)

This is going to be a long one… To understand the whole story i need to tell you about my relationship before my now boyfriend.

I was in a 5 year relationship from age 15-20 and with my ex who was 18-23. I ended the relationship in november 2024. There are so many reasons i ended the relationship with him. I paid everything for him - his living, bills, food, a car, his drivers license, gas, clothing, his hobbies ect. Just because he was broke or jobless and i didn‘t want him to mis out. In exchance he lied to me and did so many things to hurt me. So i ended the relationship. Because we got together when i was so young, i kinda had an existentcial crisis. I didn‘t know who i was and had nobody because he didn‘t allow me to go out with female friends. So after the break up i confide in a female workfriend. She told me that after her break up with her ex she texted him through many diffrent fake accounts to prank him. She said it helped her a lot with getting over it. So i asked if i could have access to one of her fake accounts. I texted my ex for a while but after a few days i felt childish and silly so i stopped, but didn‘t delet the account from my phone. I didn‘t know why i did it. I hated him and didn‘t really care about him. Maybe i wanted to hurt him like he hurt me, idk. For the timeline: i started and stopped to text him in april 2025

I met my now boyfriend in june 2025 so over a half year after my break up. When we began dating, everything was perfect. I saw a few redflags but ignored them. Like he got angry easily but in the beginnig he was never angry at me. After being together for 2 weeks he saw this other account and the chat with my ex. He didn‘t open the chat but there was a message send the day before. My workfriend texted my ex after i stopped but i didn‘t knew that. My boyfriend obviously thought it was me still texting with him. Which i understand why he would think that but i wasn‘t. At the time i stopped to text my ex with this fake account i didn‘t even know my now boyfriend. He got so angry and sad but decided to stay with me because he loved me so much. But from this moment on he never believed me anything i sais or did. I said sorry so many times. To understand what i mean by that here are e few exempels.

1. My boyfriend lives 200km away from me. He asked me where my ex lives now after we broke up. I said i didn‘t know. Maybe by his grandmother which lives in the same city as me. We can call it city-a. Then he asked me where his parents live. I said his mother lived in city-b and his father lived in city-c. He asked me multiple times days after this conversation and i always gave the same answer: I don’t know- maybe he lives with his grandmother i city-a.

A few months later he told me i lied about the living situation of my ex. He said everytime he asked me that question i gave him a diffrent answer. I said that is not correct my answer is always the same. I don‘t know and i don‘t care about the location of my ex. A year later he still says i‘m lying.

2. He thinks i call my ex to come over when he is not around. Thats not true, he has no reason to think that.

3. He thinks i still text with him. Which is not true. He searched my phone and didn‘t find anything.

4. He doesn‘t think that i told the truth about my relationship with my ex. He doesen‘t believe i broke up with my ex and he doesn’t believe my reasons for the breakup.

He also started to treat my diffrently. When we go out together i‘m not allowed to look sad or unhappy, but i‘m not allowed to smile at people or look at them. I‘m not allowed to look at the floor either. I need to walk i front of him but i can‘t walk to slow or to fast. I‘m not allowed to stop walking or to look back to see where he is, but if i don‘t realise he stopped walking he gets angry. I can‘t do anything right.

When i cook for us he tells me how good it is and a few days later he tells me he hated it. So i stopped cooking and that made him angry.

I have two bathrooms in my appartment he uses manly the small bathroom and i use the big one. He showered and and threw the dirty towl in the basket. The next day he wanted to shower while i was at work and there was no towl because he threw it in the basket. I didn‘t realise there was no towl because i didn‘t use this bathroom in the mean time. Now he stood there completely wet and no towl. He texted me at work called me names till i cried at work. In my lunch break he called me and screamed at me my whole lunch break.

One time we fightet and i felt dizzy all of a sudden and hit my head really bad. I had a concussion after that and tried to crawl to bed because i didn‘t feel well and he wouldn‘t stopp screaming at me while i was on the floor crying and trying to help myself.

One time we had a fight and he screamed so loud and called me names and threw my things around the appartment till my neighbors ringed the bell to see if i‘m ok. He was so mad at me because of this.

He called me dumd, a slvt, a useless wh*re and many other things. He said i understood why my parents physically and mentally hurt me while i was a child and why they wanted me to unalive myself.

I told him, that i was SA‘d two times. First time with 8 years old and the second time with 20 years old. He told me that it‘s my own fault and i‘m a slut because of that. But besides the two times i got SA‘d i only slept with my ex and him. He has a bodycount of over 50 women…

That was my life for the past year and i think i‘m going insane.

In his opinion it‘s okay to treat me this way because i cheated on him. I know it was shitty and childish of me to texted my ex. I know i‘m wrong for that, but do i really deserve this?