u/Anxious-Trade330

Salut, j'ai décidé d'arrêter la fac cette année après 2 semaines de cours à la rentrée. J'ai 18 ans, et j'ai passé une bonne partie de ma scolarité avec une phobie scolaire. Je suis très anxieuse, et mon anxiété se manifeste notamment quand je suis en dehors de chez moi, donc aller à l'école est très compliqué (crises d'angoisse, envie de pleurer constamment, isolation et boule au ventre/crampes).

Je n'ai aucune idée de quel type d'études j'ai envie de faire, j'étais en fac de lettres, qui ne m'intéressait absolument pas. Donc j'ai essayé de chercher un service civique et en ai trouvé un, mais celui-ci me rend aussi anxieuse que l'école, que j'ai quittée pour cette raison même. J'ai l'impression de tourner en boucle, et je base ma vie sur mes angoisses, me faisant perdre intérêt pour tout type d'études ou de travail. J'ai consulté pendant plusieurs années des psychologues et psychiatres, mais rien n'a changé malgré les rendez-vous et les traitements fournis par les docteurs. J'ai peur que ça continue et que je ne puisse rien entreprendre ou réussir dans ma vie. J'ai déjà eu des rdv avec des conseillers d'orientation, mais rien ne me donne envie et tout me semble impossible. J'aimerais beaucoup avoir des conseils/avis ou savoir si certain.es avaient eu des expériences similaires

I've had severe anxiety all my life and relationships have always been difficult to me, I'm awkward and I keep doubting my friends. Not because they are rude or act like they hate me (they don't, they're the sweetest people I know) but because I overthink every conversation, every detail, and always end up thinking they'll hate me eventually, or get bored of me. Or maybe they've always felt that way but are hiding it from me.

I feel extremely bad for having those thoughts, because I feel like a bad friend for doubting them even though they're always so nice to me. I feel like I don't deserve to be friends with them, that I never have anything interesting to say anyway, and that I could disappear and it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Most of the time those are just brainworms, annoying thoughts I get during the day, but sometimes they get really bad and I end up sulking and spiraling about it for hours. It hurts me, badly, because they make me unable to do anything (stuck in bed overthinking, unable to get up and do something else to distract myself). I know it's stupid and knowing it just makes it worse.

I just wish I could enjoy being with my friends without having to worry all the time, and I thought it would stop after a few months but it's been a while now and I still overthink it.

I've been trying to get better at skateboarding and practicing regularly, but my family doesn't take me seriously. Since I've never been the sports type, and am always scared of everything, they think of it as a joke, sometimes my sibling makes fun of me for trying and failing. I'm still a beginner and knowing they don't believe I'm capable of getting better makes me scared, unconfident and ashamed of trying at all. Does anyone have the same experience? Or had the same experience as a beginner? Any way for me to get over it and be more confident?