u/AnxiouslyDrifting

Night time and moments after I've gone out are the worst for me. Those are the times when I miss my ex the most and when I wish I could back and re live the past. I wish she never fell out of love with me and I wish she could have seen a different side of me- confident, secure and non-anxious. We never really fought or argued. The death of the relationship was a quiet ending.

I wish we could relive our best moments 7 months ago. I wish the past were different. During the day, I can lie to myself about being confident, finding someone new and starting over again with someone who actually had strong feelings for me. But during the night, when I am along with my thoughts and there is nothing except for silence and quiet contemplation, I am confronted with the cold truth and that is that I can't. Deep down, I love this person and I still wish nothing more for us to be together.

The past relationship no longer exists and there is no possibility of us being back together. These moments of quiet solitude is when I wish I could disappear quietly.

My worst fear after a breakup is being alone. I am realizing that if I learn to find comfort and find a way to not dread solitude then the breakup along with my ex loses all power over me.

I’ve started changing my routine, began investing in the stock market, focused more on my friends, doing everything I can to rediscover myself. Of course I miss my ex and wished she was back. But she is gone for good from my life and I cannot change reality.

All I can do is create a new reality that’s just as worth living if not better. Build a (figurative) garden on my own. In time. The right person will come and will appreciate sharing her life and being in the our garden together.

I hope someday my mind will no longer be a prison. Sometimes it feels like every night, I’m trying to battle with and escape being myself. Escape the insecurities, the feelings of regret and self loathing. It’s not that my ex was so great but rather my own deep seated hatred in myself, and lack of optimism for the future

My only consolation is, there will be so many chances to escape. Even if I fail tonight, tomorrow I can try again to break free. Hopefully someday I’ll escape my own mental prison and find freedom and joy again.

When I asked my ex why she was uninterested in me romantically, she said I was too similar to her in personality, and temperament. I reminded her of all the traits she didn't like about herself and she wants her romantic partner to be different and cover her weaknesses. Our connection is super strong but the romantic feelings are not there because I remind her of herself.

Has anyone heard "youre too similiar to me" as the reason for a lack of romantic feelings or breakup?

For me, our similarities are what made me fall completely head over heels for her. We just understand each other. My feelings come from our strong connection. Whereas for her, she said she never fell in love with me and never had deep feelings for me because of it. I know she was physically attracted to me-- she used to drunk call me to tell me how attractive I was. I was her type, and physical intimacy for her was never a problem.

I'm just not understanding the logic behind it. Has anyone been in that situation or can explain what it means?

Spoke with my ex after no 47 days of no contact. Found out she had entered into a rebound relationship right after she broke up with me. The rebounded ended days before I reached out

She then said she had no feelings for me and that she felt more with the rebound which she was no grieving than she ever did with me.

I felt pretty crushed but I didn’t show it in front of her. I just said “no I’m pretty sure you had feelings for me when we met, you slept with me on our first time in person and you initiated. It doesn’t happen with people you feel nothing towards. Our first video date was six hours and the next day we had another six hour video call. 12 hours in two days over video, that also doesn’t happen for people you had no feelings towards. You yourself said I was your best first date ever.”

She said it was just a strong connection. Not actual feelings.

Whatever, she was changing our past to fit her narrative.

I am pretty sure she was an avoidant attached woman who was in denial of her own attachment style. She jumps super quickly into relationships, was probably like that with me as well and then has trouble regulating and staying after the initial dopamine wears off.

But hearing “I felt nothing for you” I had feelings for the guy after felt like a dagger stab.

I had been grieving, posting on this subreddit, watching videos doing everything I could to get better while she was on a rebound and then changing our history to fit her narrative and escape responsibility.

No accountability of any kind and that’s why her relationships fail. Not just with me but with everyone else before and so far after me as well.

I dodged a bullet. It didn’t feel like that now and it hurts like hell. But deep down I know I did.

I deleted her contact for good and it is a new beginning now

I just have to pick up the pieces and not internalize anything. I know my truth and I know I was a great boyfriend towards her.

Reached out after 47 days of no contact. Ex was in a rebound relationship which ended shortly before I contacted her. I was a bit devasted that she entered a rebound right as I was grieving and suffering.

She said the rebound reconfirmed that she didn't have feelings for me. We rehashed parts of our relationship and we remembered things differently. She said she never had strong feelings for me when I was sure she did at the time. I was annoyed that she was revising the past to justify the breakup. It reconfirmed that she was emotionally unstable, the highs are really high and lows are really low. In any case, we decided it would be best to stop talking.

I was grateful for the days of no contact because it taught me how to survive without her. I feel a temporary feeling of relief- almost a strange sense of euphoria now. But tomorrow, I'm sure the feeling of emptiness and grief will set in again.

I deleted all of her pictures, her contact and Whatsapp (she was the only person I communicated with over Whatsapp).

I don't know how to feel. It's numb right now. Like a part of me has died. Tomorrow, the pain of starting over will begin and it's not going to be fun.

I broke no contact today after 47 days in my Long Distance Relationship. The last time we saw each other was last October and I promised that I would see her again back then. While we were in a relationship, everyday I wanted to be with her again. It was an anxious avoidant dynamic (me being anxious, her avoidant) and I tried my best to make it work. We never had any arguments or fights. Nothing major, other than her gradual detachment and disassociation. Then the breakup happened on March 20.

It was an amicable breakup overall. We had a video call. She said she would miss me twice, that I was her best friend and insisted on a goodbye kiss. And I went no contact as soon as the call ended.

I start a new job in June and there was no way I could see her again for a while so I decided to book a flight to Korea, I thought she would be staying (the original plan was for her to fly there in late April and stay until June/ July). I thought it would be nice just to get coffee and to fullfill my promise to myself.

I sent her a short text today letting her know I'll land next Tuesday and asked if she was around for us to get coffee in Seoul. She said she would if she were there but that she wouldn't arrive until late May (which was impossible for me.) She said it was good that my new job was starting June and that she wouldn't be in Korea very long this time anyway.

I said it was fate and said it would be good to see her again, let's have a call.

She said it was up to me, if a call would be something positive for me then we can have a call. I said it sounds good and that it'd be nice to hear her voice before I flew.

She said almost every evening before Monday would be fine. I responded with the weekend sounds good, we can find a time and figure it out. She left me on read.

Overall the relationship is dead. Even now she's responding to be polite and to do a favor for me, which is not what I want. There is no happy to see you or even the warmth she showed me during the breakup call.

I saw she had updated her Hinge profile last week. She's ready to move on.

I don't even know if I want to video call anymore. Seeing her emotionally dead to me like this (when deep down I still feel love and affection.)

I just feel numb right now. There is no more hope, it is dead.

I don't know how I'll start over or meet anyone again. The bay area, where I am at, extremely awful for dating and I know I won't find a connection like the one I had with her again. Even a flawed relationship with a dream is better than nothing at all. I wish I could disappear.