I psychologically NEED someone to comfort me [o]
I hate to admit it, but I understood that I always need someone to comfort me, reassure me. I used to tell myself I would manage on my own, and so I did, but I've also developed an over-accommodating attitude toward everyone: I apologize for things I haven't even done and seek appreciation from anyone that could give it to me, purely out of fear of ending up even more alone than how I was before. That's not kindness, it's a need for affection.
Yesterday a girl friend of mine kissed me, and it was my *real* first time. She just wanted to have fun, — she had talked to me at length about another guy before that day— and for me too it was simply supposed to be a way to pass the time, but that shit keeps haunting me. I know it's not her fault and neither Is mine but, for at least a moment, i believed that i could've been someone's first choice, that I mattered more than anyone else to somebody.
But I wasn't.