Im losing my fucking mind and have absolutely no one to tell that to.
It's not the first time I've felt this way..its happened before, but it's been years since I've experienced such emptiness. I noticed the signs, and i know that im relapsing back into depression..im scared because i remember what being depressed was like back in 2022/2023 and it was terrible. Every day, i wanted to end it. It was only through god that i managed to get out of it, but idk this time...
Im so unbelievably upset and angry with everyone and my life, even if it never seems that way. I honestly dont know where all that anger has come from, but it's clearly been festering inside, and now its tryna get out. My family isn't helping..they dont understand things like mental health..my uncle doesn't even believe in it. The only person i know would hear me out - i can't even talk to right now for reasons i can't exactly put into words.
I want to hit something or damage shit or..idk. i just want to let this anger out, and all that peaceful meditation shit isn't working. I keep telling myself that everything i urge to do is wrong..which it is, but im reaching my limit, guys.
That painful ache in my chest every time i think about how pathetic i am is back, and i have no one but myself, and idk what to do. Some of you dont believe in the same god i do and thats fine but for thoae who do..i dont feel like i can hear him anymore..i dont know which thoughts are mine, and im struggling to keep sincere and its pissing me off.
Idk what im asking for here. Im not looking for a comfort convo. My minds too chaotic for that. But please, if you've ever felt something similar, i dont want to become depressed again. I really really dont. It was way too hard to get out of the last one.
Anything would help : <