u/AnyCommunication2943

I am a 38 year old woman who has had a pretty turbulent life to date (poverty, parental alcoholism and domestic abuse as a child, inpatient for anorexia, sexual and emotional abuse in adulthood, drug addiction, abortion). I’ve worked so incredibly hard on myself in adulthood and especially over the last 10 years. I’ve managed to cultivate a successful career, good savings, bought my own house and car, have a great group of friends, amazing relationship with my 14 year old niece and the world’s best cat and have been lucky enough to be able to travel the world - India, Japan, Thailand, America, most of Europe. Life has been pretty good in the end. Then, 1.5 years ago I met my current partner, he has 2 kids (5,7) from his previous relationship and when we met he was going through a really messy divorce. We had a conversation and he asked me if I wanted kids to which I replied ‘I’m happy either way’ and I really meant it. Then something happened, and the more we spoke about it, the more I realised that for the first time in my life it was actually a possibility for me to have a baby and a family and I got excited and said I did want one. We rushed into it, as I was 37 and didn’t know if I’d be able to get pregnant etc but I fell pregnant really quickly. As soon as I found out I panicked, we didn’t love together, we’d only been together 6 months, I barely knew his kids and he was still going through the divorce. Ultimately, I went back and forth until I was 13 weeks, trying to find a way that I could be happy about having the baby but my mental health was so bad (self harming, awful anxiety and depression), that I felt I had no choice but to have a termination. Fast forward a year and we are pregnant again. He is divorced, I have a great relationship with his kids, we’ve been together 18 months, we’ve been through a huge life crisis together and come out stronger, I thought I would be okay this time. I am not. Whilst I’m not as bad as I was last year, I am filled with fear, dread and panic. What if the baby isn’t healthy? (I am vaping at 7 weeks and struggling to stop as keep changing my mind about whether to have the baby or not and getting mixed messages from
Midwife and internet about how bad vaping really it), what if my mental health gets even worse, I have PND and hate the baby, what if I become suicidal, what if I can’t cope as a mother, what if my partner and I break up, what if I can’t cope with the blended family dynamic etc etc. the anxiety is overwhelming. I am also struggling with my eating disorder and body image a lot. All that said, I am 38. I have a very supportive partner, I have a stable career and savings, and this could be everything I ever wanted. Is this just perinatal depression? I’ve spoke to my GP and am getting support but ultimately I’m the one that needs to make this decision. I have no idea what to do, I’m just so scared of making the wrong decision.

I am 6 weeks pregnant with a kind and loving man. He thinks the absolute world of me and would do anything for me. He has 2 kids (5,7) from previous relationship (50% custody and terrible relationship with ex wife). The problem is, I don’t think I like him. I appreciate him and I care about him a lot but I don’t feel like we connect very well. I feel like we have very different senses of humour, I feel like we are culturally quite different (American v British), and I also struggle to connect with his kids in the same way I do with my niece and nephew. I am 39 and this may well be my last chance to have a baby and a family but I just don’t think this is the family that I ultimately want. I wanted my own family, not to fit in to someone else’s. It feels like I need to lose something either way. Don’t know what to do as I also really don’t want to be a single mum.

I am 39 and in a relationship (1.5 years) with my partner who has 2 kids (5,7) from previous relationship. His kids are good kids but I do find them hard work and like there is little room for me when they are around (he has them 50% of the time). This is very likely my last chance to be a bio mum. I am so scared that it will make my life too hard and that I’ll be unhappy and regret it - time, money (especially given the existing kids), mental health. But I am also terrified of regretting losing the opportunity as I have always been quite maternal and have a very close relationship with my 14 y/o niece. How did you make peace with making a decision on either direction??

I am 5 weeks pregnant and am really struggling to decide what to do. My partner has 2 kids (5,7) from previous relationship and I find that really hard. He is a good dad but when they are around there is absolutely zero time for me whatsoever. I also find his parenting style a bit overwhelming as he seems to forget how to have an adult conversation when he is with them. He has 50/50 custody, I also find him quite irritating generally, he isn’t the most intelligent man and he has very low self esteem which makes the relationship difficult at times and I think is partly why he is the way he is with his kids. I know I sound terrible writing that and I don’t mean to, I’m trying to be as objective and clear as I can be about the situation from my perspective. Anyway, I am 39 and this is very likely my last chance. I do want a baby and a family but not with this man. I feel
Like the right thing to do is to terminate given all of the above but I’m so worried I’ll regret it. What if I could have worked it out with him?

Has anyone had an abortion because they were scared about the uncertainty having a child would bring? I am 5 weeks pregnant but I can’t stop thinking about the negatives that could happen if I have this child (financially, relationship, mental health of me and the child, physical health, regret….). Had anyone made this decision and stayed CF? Are you happy now?