My Greatest What if ...
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I (M21) met a guy (M35) online, and sobrang smooth ng conversation namin. We chatted for a couple of days until he asked if we could meet up and have some fun. I was quite hesitant because I’m not confident with how I look—an average-looking guy, regular build, 5’6”, moreno.
Pero kasi type ko naman siya, so I gave it a go haha.
I went to his hotel room. We talked for a bit, then we kissed—ang sarap niyang humalik, lol.
After sex, I went straight to the bathroom to wash up and planned to leave. I knew kasi na maa-attach ako sa kanya if I stayed longer. When I told him that I was going home, he asked me to stay for a bit for a quick cuddle (that’s how he takes care of his “bot,” daw). As a sign of respect, I agreed. When it was finally time for me to leave, he asked for my phone because he wanted to get to know me more. Of course, I gave it to him.
We continued seeing each other after that—dinners, coffee, just talking. We got to know each other more deeply. Later on, I found myself falling in love with him. I confessed, and he said he felt the same way.
His work (he’s a government employee) requires a lot of his time, and so does mine. There were times I asked for his attention, but he was busy. I kept sending him messages even when I knew he was working. (We weren’t official yet—we both agreed to take things slow.)
One time, I told him, “Baka hindi mo naman ako mahal kasi you’re prioritizing work over me,” which, honestly, my more mature self would disagree with now.
Later that afternoon, he picked me up for a dinner date. We talked a lot about life, and when it was time to go home, he broke the silence. He said, “I think hindi na magmamatch yung ‘tayo.’ You know how much I like you—that’s why I tried to get to know you. At my age, I could settle with you, pero you’re too young for me.”
That phrase still lingers in me up to this time—yung pagka-immature ko yung naghiwalay sa amin, lol. But I guess he was meant to come into my life to teach me a lesson.
I learned that insecurity can push people away. Yung pagiging unsure ko sa sarili ko made me demand more reassurance than what was fair for him, especially when he was already trying in his own way. If I had been more secure and patient, maybe things would’ve been different—or maybe not—but at least I would’ve handled it better.
There are really people who come into your life to help you grow and mature. I still see him sometimes, and I’m happy seeing how he’s doing.