u/AnywhereNew9553

It's not looking good. Therapy and psychiatry is a string of disappointments. No one ever asked that I literally have no one to talk with irl. I keep being denied ADHD meds, I keep being shoved depression meds which don't address my executive function issues. Therapy keeps gaslighting me into thinking different and doing things different when that has never worked ever.

I have a psychiatrist appointment in 4 days, and I spent the past 2 months doing the job of medical professionals who have failed me. I am not yet formally "diagnosed" with RSD or Social Trauma, but that seems like the missing pieces that have been neglected from my profile since I started therapy 2 years ago (and yes, therapy was thoroughly ineffective, and resulted in prolonged crashouts and months of inactivity as opposed to what it was supposed to do).

That said... this reclusiveness has been going on for 12 years. I don't see a way out.

As is courteous, one must tell first before asking, so here goes my story.

I wasn't particularly fond of going to church (Christianity), and I was not particularly enjoying getting sprayed with holy water. So, the most logical conclusion according to my mother was that her 11 years old son was possessed by the devil. She made such a big deal out of it, saying that she prays for me every day etc etc you get the drill. It took well over 3 years for her to stop nagging, and another 7 or so years for her to just fully accept it and stop saying that I'd make for a good priest. Occasionally she asks me to go to church, but I always refuse. The only exceptions were when my family members died (RIP all good, yet troubled people).

The part that makes me sigh though... I'm diagnosed ADHD, and clinicians keep saying that I have many autistic traits. Go figure why church and getting sprayed with water weren't for me.

model: Lenovo ThinkPad L14 gen 1
CPU: Ryzen 5 Pro 4650U
system: EndeavourOS

Launcher: Prism Launcher

Optimization mods I am using: everything that you already know of (not Vulkan anyhow, since it gives me worse performance).

Which shaders I tested so far:
- Photon - 4fps~
- Complementary on Potato settings - 16fps~
- Miniature Shader - 48fps~

If Miniature worked with DH then I could reasonably play Minecraft on chunk load distance 4. But alas. And yes, I do want additional visual fidelity, even on my potato laptop.

edit: I found Make-Up UltraFast to net me 26fps~ with Distant Horizons. I'm satisfied chat
edit2: shader jesus reocmmended Mellow shaders which nets me 47fps~ and makes the visuals reasonably nice