Did we end something that could have been repaired, or were these early incompatibilities that I shouldn’t ignore?
First time writing a post on here. Spare me if I fumble. It’s a long post, to the braves who will continue, buckle up!
So I started talking to this person from Hinge, let’s call him Z. He was the kind of person I would’ve hoped to have met in person and connected because lord oh lord the signs were aligning and everything was going so smoothly. Our match was 10 days old until we actually started talking. While I was reaching Delhi from my solo trip in the mountains is when we actually started talking.
To give context, I recently shifted back home after 5 years of moving out because things weren’t going my way. Home is not too far from Delhi. I started taking care of a stray cat and she is now a mother of 2 and I am a cat mom to 3 beautiful cats. While I was out on this solo trip, my parents were lovingly taking care of my cats but since they don’t even consume onion and garlic, it wasn’t easy for them to feed the cats non veg and clean their litter, I’m so extremely thankful to them for that. And my parents had been repeatedly asking me to come back to home while I was on the trip.
Okay back to Z.
Everything was going great! He had watched all my favourite sitcoms, had an AMAZING humour, almost like a puzzle fitting the conversations felt, I don’t know how to describe it. We started talking over calls for hours and also connected on VCs. Our thoughts matched, interests matched, timing matched and whatnot! He started talking like we’re in a relationship almost but in a fun way. Eg. he’d ask me if I am with a hinge friend because I have made a lot of hinge friends. I used to call him out for being possessive much? We’d laugh it off. The chemistry felt incredible. We would also smoke the first cig of the day on call and he was the one saying oh so cute n all, it felt nice for once to not be the one swaying away first.
Now, all this happened within the span of just 4-5 days! I wanted to meet him before taking this further but we were in 2 different cities 5 hours away. He said on the Thursday he would try his best to come meet me on a Sunday but my trip was supposed to end on Saturday with me going back to my home town. Since I was sooo excited about this match and the energy reciprocation, I somehow convinced my mom to extend my trip by a day. She agreed. But Z told me some genuine work has come up and he can’t make it on Sunday. I was upset but understood. Since I was visibly upset, he said he’d try again to make it on Sunday, I got excited but he canceled again. He kept inviting me to his city and kept saying oh if you would come I’d be grateful to you for life like she did so much for me in the first go and now I will have to match her and do even more efforts. He also kept saying, bring your friend along. Later he added he would also take care of my expenses. After pondering for some and asking my friend who excitedly agreed, I said yes to the invite at around 2pm.
Final travel itinerary : Going to his city (5hours) + 2 hours of meeting him + 5 hours of coming back to Delhi + 6-7 hours back to home town.
He said he won’t recommend this but would love to see me for 2 hours also and would make these the best 2 hours. We started planning the trip, the travel and everything very excitedly. Later when I sat down with my friend, we agreed that this is insane and isn’t worth it, I dropped the plan but the thought of exploring a new city and meeting HIM, I asked my mom for 1 final extension 😭, to which she also agreed 😭😭😭 I love her. Post her agreement she did scold me a lot on different occasions over the extended day. But still.
Okay the day is extended, I am ECSTATIC, deciding what to wear, packing, humming songs in the shower, and it’s 4pm. I was trying to reach him to tell him the plan but he was unreachable since he was stuck in a meeting, which he informed me about. But I had no choice but to keep trying to contact him since I wanted a thumbs up on this plan. It was getting late and was also raining HEAVILY, I booked the cab, sent him a final text regarding the fare cab for me and my friend which was around ₹1600, got ready and left the house with my friend. The cab also was very far and we had to take a 6 station metro route to reach the cab, mind you in HEAVY RAIN.
Picture this, me, sitting in my half drenched blue kurti, silver jewellery and hell lot of excitement to meet someone I genuinely enjoy talking to with my friend feeling all safe because even if I’m going to another unknown city to meet a stranger, I’m with my friend whose expenses are also covered. We’re both struggling artists actually and I had made it clear. But in my head it was like my friends expense was just an added expense of being able to see me. I was travelling for 10 hours just to see him for a day.
In the middle of the auto ride to the metro, I receive his reply, ‘I did not know I’d be covering for your friend?’ ‘Don’t take it’(the cab) ‘it’s gonna be too hectic for me and it’s too much pressure’ ‘ I’ll come see you in your home town 3-4 days later’
Oh my gawd. What I had feared the most had happened. Cancellation at last moment especially when we’re both half drenched on the way to the metro. Fuck. I got angry. He explained his situation, kept explaining it, things like what if I had to cancel when you had reached my city? The meeting ended up going till 10pm and he had to leave for some field visit on the following day which were both inevitable.
The problem I had with the situation more than the cancelling was he made it a point to mention about my friend’s expenses (and mind you he talked rich) post which his cancellation messages cascaded.
And to the friends expense thing he said he has never been in a similar situation, well neither have I had been, visiting another city to explore possible romantic interest. To justify his point, he gave me a vague example -
Z - will you ever cover my stay?
Me - you know I can’t afford it right?
Z - no, when you’ll be able to.
Me - if I’ll be able to, sure!
Z - will you also cover for my friend?
Me - speechless for 5 whole minutes
I mean does he not understand the safety concerns a woman travelling along to meet a stranger carry? Having a friend is the basic pre requisite. And if his situation would happen fr, we’d be a couple and can’t two men fend for themselves? Why would he even expect his girlfriend to pay for him AND his friend combined?? My adhd got in the way as tears escaped my eyes.
I decided to end it post this.
But
Then comes this point of people having no patience with someone because hey after all it takes time to understand people. It feels like instead of ending it I could’ve said we can’t take this forward until you repair this. (He did say when he’ll visit my city post 3-4 days, he’ll make up for it but man I was way too hurt to wait for him making up post 3-4 days!) all I was getting was explanations and no actions. I was expecting him to send some flowers or chocolates or literally anything to say sorry but nothing, only words. Maybe I should’ve communicated my expectations? But wasn’t it too early on? There were multiple times I would try to not say something since it was way too early but he always encouraged me by saying if he isn’t able to fulfil my expectations early on, how can I trust that he’ll be a good relationship fit? Hence I started being a little more vulnerable.
I started thinking I acted impulsively to end it rather than repair it, but also the thought of repair? Already? UGH. But I still tried to sort of nudge him into calling me so we can probably give it a last try but his fear of abandonment got triggered by my let’s end it probably, which was fair on his end…
I miss him. I miss the cohesive conversations. I miss his voice.
I don’t know man wtf is this situation
I… ugh..
also
He was talking to me with his business account on WhatsApp, no dp until the day we sort of had this ending scene going on? Idk if this detail matters but I didn’t think of it much before since we talked non stop.
So, Did we end something that could have been repaired, or were these early incompatibilities that I shouldn’t ignore?
I want to text him but I’m too scared to seem desperate and genuinely I also see no point in it..? I feel like I am so hung up on this one connection, I am unable to connect with anyone else that way. The chemistry was so intense and accelerated, the detachment feels so intense… UGHHHH
What to do?