u/Apple_Pie_1990

How do you deal with feeling like it’s just never going to work? First FET ended in a chemical and it made me so sad. I’m CD1 now of second FET, and paying the fee to start the cycle I just felt like what a waste of money for something that’s not going to work. Why would it work? Literally nothing has for 9 years now so why would this one? Our best graded embryo is now gone and we’ve got 2x 3BB’s untested and I just feel like we’re beating a dead horse. Everyone in my real life I speak to, including my usually glass half empty partner, tell me to just think positive. But I literally can’t. There is no version of reality in my mind anymore where I see myself pregnant.

How long after stopping meds did it take for your next CD1? I stopped everything Monday, after a very low HCG Friday 1st May, I had negative HCG Monday 4th May. I’m so impatient to just get on with the next cycle so I don’t dwell on the heartbreak of a chemical for my first ever positive. Knowing my body it’s going to take another week ☹️🫠

First FET, first ever positive, first loss. Wednesday night I took a test 7dp5dt, and holy shit it was positive!! Not something I’ve ever experienced in 9 years of TTC. Immediately imagining how this changes everything, but still remaining cautious that we have so many hurdles to jump. The next morning, it’s a bit lighter, but it’s ok. It’s only 8 hours later- rule of thumb is 48hrs doubling. Friday, on the morning of 9dp5dt my clinic does bloods. At the same time I’m doing another test which is darker and looking great I get the call. HCG is only 15- but we know it’s still really early so let’s repeat on Monday. I keep testing over the weekend, digital says 1-2 weeks, but first response just getting lighter and lighter. Today it’s barely visible. I know in my heart that it stopped growing and is a chemical. I don’t even want to do bloods tomorrow but know I have to. I just want to stop the meds and be done. I barely survived grocery shopping today and all the babies around with their happy mums knowing that’s not me and maybe won’t ever be. I sobbed the whole way home. I’m just so, damn, sad. I don’t need any responses, just needed to get this off my chest.