u/AppointmentOk4788

This will be long, but AITA for breaking up with my (24F) boyfriend (33M)? Some friends think I’m dramatic, others think the relationship had serious red flags.

We dated about 8 months. In the beginning he made me feel special and loved, but over time little things piled up until I finally broke.

He constantly wanted me texting or on the phone with him. I’m a single mom who works full time, so I sometimes needed downtime. He’d check my location and if it glitched, he’d FaceTime me like I was lying about where I was.

One day we were grocery shopping after I’d had a stressful morning with my toddler. I wasn’t rude, just quieter than normal. He suddenly got in my face (he’s 6’5”, I’m 5’6”) and said, “I’m going to need you to get your mood up because you’re ruining mine.” I told him I wasn’t responsible for his emotions. He stayed angry the rest of the day.

He spends most of his time playing disc golf and doesn’t work due to military disability. I supported his hobbies and went with him often, but whenever I wanted to do something, he’d complain or focus on what was wrong with the day.

Another issue happened when my daughter got pink eye after a sleepover with cousins. Instead of reacting normally, he acted like my sister intentionally got her sick and kept saying I should “listen to him more,” even though he never warned me beforehand. He’d do this anytime something negative happened.

Eventually we introduced our kids. They all got along great, but he started acting jealous that my toddler needed more attention than his older kids.

Then he went through my phone and found texts with my sister where I compared him to my ex in a positive way, saying I felt appreciated now. He ignored that part and got furious that my ex was even mentioned. He backed me against a wall, screamed at me, and put his hand around my neck. Honestly, that should’ve been the end.

The final straw came when I planned a family outdoor trip for all of us. The day of, he said he didn’t feel well and didn’t want to go. I was disappointed but accepted it. Minutes later he said his friend called and he was taking his kids disc golfing instead, and invited me along.

Something in me just went numb. After a week of thinking, the feeling never changed, so I ended things.

AITA, or was this relationship just unhealthy?

When I(28 f) was 15 I had a massive mental breakdown that lead to me trying to commit suicide. This was not my first attempt. My first attempt was at 12. However, the attempt at 15 drew in police notice. I was then removed from my family and placed in a treatment facility for 6 months. I was required to have a full psych evaluation done by the courts and was diagnosed with manic depression, general anxiety disorder, and PTSD.

I do have history of abuse and neglect from my parents. My mom had a mental break down when I was 10 and I was basically used as her personal therapist. She would hit me and scream at me on hard days and I’d consistently get told I was the reason she wanted to die. My dad would hit and scream too. Both of them have said things that have stuck with me for life that I’ve had a hard time letting go of until recently.

With parts of the back story I’d like to now get into what I have questions on. Anytime I’ve been prescribed antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics I always end up going off the deep end into depressive episodes again. Now when I talk to anyone to try to get help they just see the manic depression diagnosis and say I’m bipolar and prescribe me more drugs that always leave me in a psych visit.

When I finally left my parents home at 18 I stopped taking meds and was actually very stable for about 8 years. I didn’t have the negative thoughts, I didn’t want to die constantly, I was keeping up with caring for myself and the responsibilities around me relatively well. I’ve always struggled with keeping focused, I have a hard time completely big projects, I get caught up in new activities that excite me then back to not caring about it again for a while, I have a hard time making new friends, I do struggle a lot with anxiety, I’m consistently told I’m smarter than I put effort into being(which is true. I learn so fast and easily yet can’t focus long enough to finish anything). I’ve always struggled relating to people and I have been a self proclaimed loner because I just like it that way. I have 3 friends that I love dearly but otherwise don’t really care to keep more relationships.

I’m starting to feel like my diagnosis was wrong. My parents talked to the psychologist the courts assigned to me first and they’re well known for lying and exaggerating. The entire time I was in the treatment facility the workers all agreed my behavior was wonderful and I was kind, thoughtful, and listened well. I felt like I could breathe being away from them and I didn’t want to die. Then being back with them I had 3 more attempts before I was able to finally leave. Then I stopped having any issues until I got into a long term relationship where the guy ended up being emotionally manipulated and it sparked my PTSD. I left as soon as I noticed the patterns(about 8 months in) and sought out a therapist again. This is when I was put on more meds for bipolar and immediately began spiraling again. I finally stopped taking my meds a year ago and feel like myself again. No ups and downs emotionally. I’m not bed rotting or hating life(more than the average person in this economy and world).

I reached out to a new psychologist to have a second evaluation done and I’m honestly scared that I’m going to be told bipolar again and recommended meds I know don’t work for me. I just want help to finally feel like I can focus and move forward in life instead of fighting my own procrastination and lack of wanting to do things I just find boring.

Does anyone relate? Anyone with bipolar want to chime in and have advice or need more info from me to get a better read if I do line up with bipolar? Anyone have any clue what could be wrong? I’ve been leaning towards potential autism/ADHD with research, but I don’t know which is why I want to have a full evaluation done again but that won’t be happening for a month and half.