u/Ares_The_Olympian

I started talking to this cis gay man about a week ago but I quite frankly forgot that I was trans when we were exchanging pictures and that would have been the prime opportunity to let him know, before he knew too many details about me.

The problem now is that I'm stealth, and if I outed myself to him he could potentially out me at university.

I've really enjoyed chatting with him since and we've met a few times on campus so I decided to see what he thought of trans people, by bringing up the Odyssey movie in reference to me having read the book, and by extension, Elliot Page.

The consensus was that he was 'weird' and 'technically a lesbian'.

So RIP it was good while it lasted.

I think I should meet him in neutral territory and basically say that we should stop chatting, not because he's lacking anything - I've been more attracted to him than I've been to anyone in a long time and I'll tell him as much - but because of personal circumstances that I don't feel comfortable revealing.

I feel like it's the more honorable thing to do compared to just breaking it off over text.

I'm sure most of you were smart enough to be open about it from the get-go but I can't say I'm exceptionally experienced so this was a learning opportunity. What would you have done in this situation?

Edit: I did end up messaging him that I want to end it or whatever. I'm paraphrasing, but I basically said that I know he probably saw it as a small comment, but I didn't feel comfortable with what he said about Elliot Page because I think there's enough negativity in society and I didn't want to also experience it in our community. I said that I have gender diverse friends and I didn't want to betray their trust for someone I've only known a few days.

His response was basically that he sometimes says stuff like that because of his upbringing and that he doesn't really mean it, and that he has gender diverse friends too. He proceeded apologize and say that he really likes me and wanted to know what he could do to make it up to me, but I haven't responded yet. Quite frankly I don't think it's a good enough excuse to want to waste my time any further.

To everyone that gave me constructive criticism and genuine advice, thank you. And to those that suggested I ghost, I didn't think that was a good option. It makes me seem like I'm the one in the wrong, and he never has to confront his problematic views.

I'm not the one that's missing out because I'm being cowardly by virtue of me being stealth. He's the one missing out because he can't yet move past his programmed bigotry.

I (20m) am a first year university student and have started chatting with this guy about a week ago.

We have the same home language, had similar upbringings, and he's pretty feminine and a strict bottom so he's exactly my type.

Problem is, I'm totally stealth, and I haven't come out to friends or any potential partners (my first was another trans man that I knew pre-transition) in years. I recognise now that I probably should have told him right after we'd exchanged pictures online, but I didn't see the sense in outing myself to a stranger I hadn't even seen in person.

I've gone on two coffee dates with him and I think we get along well, so I felt that if I do come out it should be the next time we meet up.

It goes without saying that he's a cis man and I know that even though he wears press-ons and make-up that doesn't mean he's not potentially transphobic. Especially considering our shared culture is quite conservative.

My question is if I should even bother telling him or if I should break it off before he gets too invested. I'm part of a relatively small faculty and my name is unique so if he really does decide that he's not interested and he wants to go around telling people (although he is in a completely different course) there's not much I can do but act like it's bullshit.

My course is very long and the people not particularly liberal so I'd rather not deal with being outed for the foreseeable future.