u/Argichang

Please note: English is not my first language, so I used ChatGPT to correct some grammar and improve the clarity of this post. I hope you don’t mind—the experiences and opinions are entirely my own.

I have noticed a recurring pattern in how I deal with people. I do not immediately reject someone because of one flaw or one mistake. However, once I notice several consistent problems that reveal how the person operates, my trust in them begins to disappear. I may remain polite for a while, but internally, I have already started withdrawing.

- One example was a former friend. Over time, I began to feel that he habitually exaggerated his experiences and accomplishments. He also continued using drugs and showed little interest in taking responsibility for his life.

Despite this, I genuinely tried to help him. Even when I was struggling financially, I still paid for his meals and tried to support him. What ultimately changed my view of him was not simply his lifestyle, it was realizing that he showed very little consideration for my situation or the effort I was making for him.

Eventually,I was investing far more in the friendship than he was, while enabling someone who was unwilling to change. Once I reached that conclusion, I completely cut contact. There was no dramatic confrontation. I simply stopped believing that the relationship was worth maintaining. Even though I still think about it until toady...

- A second example involves a colleague. She tried to move a product creation project forward using incomplete supplier documents that lacked appropriate planning and any consideration of execution requirements at the product level. At the same time, responsibilities were unclear, while the burden of coordinating, checking and potentially fixing the work was gradually being pushed onto me.

The problem was not one incomplete file. I started seeing a repeated pattern: unclear information, blurred ownership and pressure on someone else to move the project forward despite the risks. Since then, I have remained professional, but I no longer automatically trust her instructions. I verify the information independently, clarify responsibilities and keep written records.

I sometimes see this as risk recognition. Once several behaviours reveal a person’s underlying pattern, I do not believe I should wait until they disappoint me ten more times before protecting myself.

However, I also wonder whether this can become a form of confirmation bias. Once I have formed a negative model of someone, I may start interpreting everything they do through that model.

The problem was not one incomplete file. I started seeing a repeated pattern: unclear information, blurred ownership and pressure on someone else to move the project forward despite the risks. Since then, I have remained professional, but I no longer automatically trust her at all in any sense...

I sometimes see this as risk recognition. Once several behaviours reveal a person’s underlying pattern, I do not believe I should wait until they disappoint me ten more times before protecting myself.

However, I also wonder whether this can become a form of confirmation bias. Once I have formed a negative model of someone, I may start interpreting everything they do through that model.

Do other INTJs experience this? How do you distinguish between accurately identifying a behavioural pattern and judging someone too quickly?

An interesting thing my speech therapist told me is that girls are more likely to outgrow stuttering as they get older, which may help explain why fewer women stutter as adults. I found that really interesting.

Is anyone of us female in this group??

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I’d be happy to send you the Excel macro file so you can try it for free. Please let me know whether you’d be interested, your feedback would help me improve the final version.

I’ve had a stutter since I was a child. It happens in every language I speak Chinese, English, and French, so I know it isn’t simply caused by speaking a second language or not knowing what I want to say.

My father and his older brother also stutter, so I’ve often wondered whether there may be a genetic component in my case. I can’t know for certain without a professional assessment, but the family pattern seems relevant.

Over the years, I’ve become kind of good at hiding it. I often replace words, restructure sentences, pause before speaking, or avoid saying certain things altogether. From the outside, it may not always look severe, but internally, I’m constantly planning how to get through a sentence.

It has affected many parts of my life, especially interviews, phone calls, introductions, meetings, and situations where I have to speak spontaneously. Sometimes the fear and anticipation of stuttering feel more exhausting than the stutter itself.

For a long time, I tried to manage it alone. I also questioned whether my problem was serious enough to deserve professional help as the costs are crazily expensive. But I’ve realized that the impact it has on my life matters, even if I can sometimes speak fluently.

I’ve now decided to book an assessment with a pathologist who works with adults with developmental stuttering. The treatment is expensive as hell, but I want to understand my speech patterns better and learn healthier ways to communicate instead of constantly hiding or avoiding my stutter.

I’m nervous, but also hopeful. This feels like an important step, not necessarily toward speaking perfectly, but toward feeling less controlled by my stutter.

I plan to update this post to share what the assessment and diagnosis process is like and what I learn from the experience.

I’d also really appreciate hearing from anyone with a similar background. If you developed a stutter in childhood, have a family history of stuttering, or started therapy as an adult, I’d be interested to hear about your assessment, treatment, and overall experience.

Note: I used ChatGPT to help polish the wording and make this post easier to read

Thank you for your time