Should I stay or go?
I have wanted a divorce for over a year. He wants to fix everything he “has been doing wrong” . I felt horrible because I just wanted time and space and separation , and all he is seeing is that I hate him because he isn’t acting a certain way or that I wanted to see other people. He started by cleaning up everyday keeping the house spotless doing every chore. Which was great but every time I saw the completed chores I felt guilty. I would go to him and say” I don’t want you doing all the chores I prefer to do certain ones please don’t think this is what has caused me to want a divorce “ he would lighten up on it and we would get a good rhythm of half and half chores and taking turns doing the dishes which he would absolutely throw a fit over having to do the dishes before. He would always check with me saying” this break doesn’t mean we are seeing other people right” this made me worried because I feel he thinks my intentions is to cheat on him but I genuinely need time and space away “so I can remember how to love him” is what I said. I genuinely believe I have lost my soul connection with him. Then he will complete stop doing everything and back to his old ways of not helping with anything getting an attitude when I ask him for help and wants me to wait on him . I feel he isn’t interested in me anymore he just wants to keep me on the shelf and away from other people with different points of view. I feel like if we had some time apart and maybe some space we could find that kindness and love for each other again. Our kids are 4 and 2 we have been in the parenting trenches as well as life trenches lost a couple of job for both parents and we moved like 4 times since the kids. We have no support family wise he has a sister and brother really close as well as a grandpa and his mom is around but they don’t have a good relationship. My dad is dead and I have cut my mother off due to crazy circumstances. I have 5 siblings but everyone lives hours from each other plus we don’t speak because of the crazy circumstances with my mother. His mom and sister always have made excuses for his behavior as well as making me out to be the bad guy because I think his wrong in a situation 😑 he is never wrong to them ever. Like blind to everything he does. They always turn situations back on me. I’m not allowed to have an opinion and have to praise him basically. I have told him about his family so he doesn’t let me go around them like if we get invited to lunch only he goes or will cancel and I get blamed. I genuinely want to be happy in life and love again. I want peace I have spent my entire life walking on egg shells. I want to be able to feel my emotions and not mask them because of someone else. I want to feel safe and shame free. I want to be able to just express what I want and it happens, not something I have to dream about. I guess my question would be should I stay or should I go? I have came to the point of I need to make a decision.