u/Ariezanna

Okay, I see a lot of people talking about having a clean room makes your mind clear, but MINE DOESN'T DO THAT!!!! The chaos is comfortable, having to tiptoe around my room seems reasonable. When I clean my room, looking at my empty floor makes me feel anxious, like something's supposed to be there. But apparently, having a clean room means having a clean mind.

It's not just that, but my room will be a mess while I'm absolutely thriving. It'll be the ONLY issue in my life I haven't fixed because it doesn't quite matter to me. The only (other) explanation I've got for having a clean house is 1) not tripping over objects, and 2) not being judged by people.

Someone please explain it to me because it doesn't make sense. I don't see how cleaning is supposed to make me feel better

This is a post about The Crooked, The Cradle, my favorite song by The Crane Wives (it shares the #1 spot with quite a few songs, tbh). The only way I can express my love for this song is by analyzing it and saying what I think it means. Also, I've been trying to understand this song on a deeper level for a while, so here's my first true shot at analyzing it. This involves both musical and lyrical analysis because they're both important!

For some reason, the intro reminds me of a rocking ship, like Never Love an Anchor, but different. When trying to dance to it, the only thing I can think of is someone walking with a limp and dragging their foot, as if they're bruised and battered from battle. The instruments simulate a movement in both songs. In Never Love an Anchor, it's a gentle rocking movement, that of a ship. In The Crooked, The Cradle, it's walking with a limp. The way the guitars emphasize the first note of each measure sounds like someone falling onto their good foot after stepping forward with their bad foot. As well, since it's at the start of each measure (this song is in 3/4), on the downbeat, it conveys the feeling of going downwards.

So, why did I also compare the motion of limping to the motion of rocking? Well, because limping isn't the only motion conveyed by the instruments. In between each limp is a drag, but those drags are not conveyed by a dragging sound such as a half or dotted half note, but a carrying motion. What I see this as is a rocking motion along with the dragging, but they're not together. It's the motion of a limping person accompanied by the rocking of a cradle.

>There's blood in the water
There's blood in the water
The quiet are restless, the silent are still

The vocal part starts off extremely steady. There's no harmony on the first line, and it picks up a little on the second line only to die out slowly during the third. The harmony sings the second line along with the melody, however they do not sing the third line, instead singing a melisma on "ooh".

To me, the melody like a simple observation. "There's blood in the water. The quiet are restless. The silent are still." I see this as narration, like in a book. The book is describing the atmosphere. There's blood in the water, the "quiet" are restless, and the "silent" are still. The first verse gives the setting of the rest of the song. "Blood in the water" describes purity (with water being clear) being tainted (by blood). It describes some past, detailing something that happened without it being explicit about exactly what.

I see both "the restless quiet" and "the still silent" as reactions to whatever happened. Either people staring in awe or whispering to each other about it, but neither are loud about it. It's not something to be discussed out in the open, hence why there's no explanation as to what happened, just the description of the aftermath.

>I'm nobody's daughter
I'm nobody's daughter
My enemies crow, "we're alone with the kill"

I believe "I'm nobody's daughter" to mean that there's no one to protect them. "Daughter" implies some parent, and parents are meant to guide and protect children. Having none leaves a child open and vulnerable. This stanza is sung the same way as the first, giving the same feeling of narration. Instead of a feeling, it is a fact that the subject is nobody's daughter, and thus vulnerable to their enemies.

This stanza is still setting the scene, as an introduction to the main character. If you take these last two stanzas literally and translate it into a series of images, it would be: bloody water, people either gossiping or staring in awe, the main subject, described as nobody's daughter, then the "enemies" shouting "we're alone with the kill."

After this verse, there's a measure of complete silence. This marks a transition from the lower energy verses to the higher energy of the chorus. Here, it makes me think of a cut to black, leaving us questioning what happens next. Instead of getting closure, we transition into the chorus.

>If mercy's abound, I'll be safe, I'll be sound
And the devil won't know of the love I just couldn't let go
I won't pretend my season won't end, but I pray
When it's done, when it's through, I'll have something left for you

Here, the harmonies start up in full force, lasting throughout the entire chorus.

The chorus literally says "if I'm lucky, I'll be fine, and I won't be hurt by the pain of my past. I know this will end, but I don't know what part of me will be left afterwards."

The bass here is a variation of the bass during the last verse. In the last verse, the bass is lacking brightness, but it gets brighter in the chorus.

Afterwards, a clarinet plays half of the melody of the bass part, at its brightest. This marks the end of the chorus with a hopeful melody, perhaps a dream of sorts. Here, it fades out quickly, only having one phrase. Notably, this phrase ends with a resolution, but still carries on with one last note, breaking it. It says that there's more to say, but it's just not time yet.

>The noble are weary
The noble are weary
This cradle still burns like a hole in my chest

"The noble are weary." To me, this line literally translates to "I'm getting tired of being good." The use of the word "noble," however, doesn't imply an inherent goodness to being noble. It's a double-meaning, with "noble" halfway being nobility and halfway being morally upright. This implies the subject to be noble in both ways, but being tired of it because they have to carry the blood from the past at the same time. It's a constant effort to keep up the name "noble," one which burns out the subject.

The bass is a heavier aspect of the song, as if it's carrying the weight of everything in this song. It gives something of a blend of that limping and rocking motion from the intro, inviting a mix of both; the limping person is the rocking cradle. Throughout song, with the exception of the chorus and post-chorus, the bass drags, but it's given more meaning here after knowing just how bright it can get. The return to darkness from the bright post-chorus instrumental becomes more apparent.

With the mixing of the "rocking" theme and the "limping" theme in the bass, we learn them to be one and the same. It's obvious here that the "limping" is to refer to the current state of the subject and the "rocking" to the past. Thus, the cradle here refers to the past.

I'll be honest, I'm a little confused by the last line. If it were "this cradle still burns a hole in my chest," it would mean carrying the cradle is detrimental, however a burning cradle is being compared to a hole in the chest? Maybe it's referring to an attempt to get rid of the past by, metaphorically, burning the cradle, but in doing so, it removes a part of oneself. If the cradle were to represent the past, that line would translate to "trying to get rid of the past is to get rid of a part of me."

>Can anyone hear me?
Can anyone hear me?
The crooked are smiling, they know me the best

This is about as explicit as the song gets. The theme of loneliness has been apparent throughout the song, with lines isolating certain groups like "the quiet" and "the restless" and "the noble," as well as the "enemies." I believe the term "nobody's daughter" not only refers to vulnerability, but also loneliness. The subject doesn't belong to any particular group, either due to explicit isolation or burnout from having to keep an act up.

Throughout the song, the harmonies in the second line of each stanza (the repetition) have been slowly building up to a big release. Dan screams his absolute heart out in this second line. The second line in this stanza is the biggest emotional release of the song. It's like screaming into the void, with not even an echo coming back to convey complete isolation. This is a key moment of interaction between the harmony and the melody. Every melisma after the second line within the harmony stays on an "ooh." Here, while Kate sings the third line, Emilee sings an "ooh," but Dan continues the "e" from "me." Also, Dan sings the vowel in "me" differently from the others. While Kate and Emilee sing "ee" Dan sings "ey." The change in pronunciation breaks the rhyming scheme that has been perpetuated throughout the verses, as well (AA BB C... water, daughter; still, kill; weary, hear me; chest, best). It's a smaller detail, but every difference makes this line stand out just a little bit more. But Dan's voice within the melisma is a stand-out feature of its own. Typically, Dan wouldn't sing the melisma, yet he does here. Yes, Dan. I hear you.

To top it all off, the melody all but drowns out the harmony as it decrescendos into nothingness, as it does with every verse.

With Dan's part in the background, the theme of loneliness comes to a climax. It points out a lack of belonging to any group, even continuing through the introduction of "the crooked."

The role of "the crooked" can be taken a few ways. They could just be the people who are most similar to the subject, who the subject feels most comfortable with. They could be the people who took in the subject during or after severe bouts of loneliness, and maybe people who took advantage of it. They could be people the subject looks down on, and that can be for many reasons. Maybe they are seen as bad people, who the subject compares themself to because of the experiences they've had. Maybe they're just people who go against the widely accepted standard of "noble" as introduced in the previous stanza. Maybe they're people from the past that either expect the subject to go back to them or that the subject does go back to, in order to return to comfort. It could be all of these at once, or just a few of these, or just one. Either way, the use of the term "crooked" is important here because of its generally negative connotation.

Once again, this verse ends with complete silence as it transitions into the chorus. It's another cut to black, not allowing anyone to know what happens next. There is no true closure to these verses, instead, the chorus.

>If mercy's abound, I'll be safe, I'll be sound
And the devil won't know of the love I just couldn't let go
I won't pretend my season won't end, but I pray
When it's done, when it's through, I'll have something left for you

Here, the post-chorus instrumental repeats, but carries on from where it left off last time. It gives the full scope of the hope that the instrumental brings, that which underscores the inherently hopeful chorus. Along with that, contrary to the rest of the song, the instrumental actually resolves. Instead of cutting itself off or trying to continue, only to lead into something else, it gets to finish its phrase completely. If you were to stop the song here, it would resolve in its highest point.

But...

>If mercy's abound, I'll be safe, I'll be sound
And the devil won't know of the love I just couldn't let go
I won't pretend my season won't end, but I pray
When it's done, when it's through, I'll have something left for you

There's one last chorus. This chorus starts with the vocals only. The hope that the instrumental has been building is completely undercut with the true nature of the chorus. In reality, it's a plea, or a player, bringing more attention to the most important part. I previously summarized it as: "if I'm lucky, I'll be fine, and I won't be hurt by the pain of my past. I know this will end, but I don't know what part of me will be left afterwards." Here, it can be read as "I hope I'm lucky and that I'll be fine, and I hope no one hurts me the same way I had been before."

Prior choruses are sung with a lot more confidence, but only because they had been supported by the instrumental. As the instrumental starts up again, that confidence and hope is built back up.

The line "I won't pretend my season won't end" has always been a particularly powerful line. It acknowledges that pain is only temporary, contradicting the uncertain sentiment of the first line of the chorus, "if mercy's abound, I'll be safe, I'll be sound." The subject is dealing with contradicting beliefs because they're uncertain of the future. The next line leans into what's truly uncertain, which is what will happen next. The last two choruses led to a fantasy, one filled with brightness and hope. This one almost starts a fantasy, then ends it with no real resolution. It's more similar to each transition into the chorus, with an almost sudden cut to silence, rather than the introduction of the clarinet.

I spoke a lot about "the quiet," "the silent," "the noble," and "the crooked," but there's one more subject I neglected to mention: "You." The final line of the chorus pleads that there's a part of the subject left for "You." but it's not clear who "You" is supposed to be, and that's on purpose. "You" doesn't refer to any specific group, just the present interest. If we were to take the song chronologically, "You" in the first chorus would refer to the noble, and to the crooked in the second, then to a mystery in the third. But I don't believe this song is being sung outwardly to another person. Instead, I believe it is an intrinsic reflection on the past and how it's shaped the subject.

The Crooked, The Cradle is not a song about reflection, it is the reflection. The song doesn't have any kind of resolution. Anywhere it can possibly resolve itself, it picks up, either for another chorus or another verse, constantly moving forward even with this uncertainty. The song ends the same way the verses do, with a sudden cut to black, not letting the listener know what will happen next. Ending with silence allows anyone to fill the space. The note it ends on, as well, is neither hopeful nor hopeless, instead the clean middle expressed in the chorus.

The song reflects upon life as it has been and hopes for the future. The wrongs, the discomforts, and the evils someone may have done, with the hope that change will come soon while still acknowledging that the path is long and rough, and likely loops itself over and over again. Throughout the song, we're exposed to different experiences, cut with what is effectively the moral, stated before, a song filled to the brim with hope and despair.

That's what I gathered from it, at least. Please, tell me what you think of the song!

Writing this POST meltdown about this loll

However, I'm like 90% sure this stems from my autism and having issues making friends now cause people are evil and blah blah blah... And the only reason I'm thinking about it now is because some past relationship was brought up in therapy but I have trouble keeping relationships now, particularly romantic ones, because of some bad sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and bubbling thoughts of "THIS ISN'T RIGHT" hat tend to overpower anything kind.

Granted... I was right... In terms of actions specifically, there were a lot of issues in like all the romantic relationships I tried out.

Context before I continue: I'm autistic and basically chose people to have crushes on as a form of masking. Basically, I'd point out some (insert socially acceptable gender here) and be like "this is the guy I like and I'm gonna act like I like them forever :3" because "normal people have crushes on people," which led to some interesting behaviors, to say the least. This (specifically the crush thing) started in elementary school, like literally first grade

Nonetheless, because of this, I have no real basis of attraction to go off of other than "was I really feeling attraction in insert long term relationship here?"

But like how often do you actually go back to dating someone after breaking up with them for sinking feeling and "THIS ISN'T RIGHT" thoughts? Is the independent variable here the fact that I had been friends with said person for a long time? As one would assume, I have not had long term, deep, meaningful relationships in which I started to feel romantic attraction since then (because I have been unable to hold a friendship for a decent amount of time with about everyone but like one person)

All of my data is also tainted cause about 90% (not even joking) of the people I had dated are kinda bad people (INCLUDING SAID LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!), and crushes are not reliable data because I genuinely can't tell if they're real or I was just glomming onto someone or my masking brain decided that "this is the one you shall crush on" or if it was just really really intense platonic (alterous, most likely) attraction towards person that was nice to me.

Also, I am asexual! We (singular we, in like a gay way) have known this since like middle school and it has never caused an issue for me personally. It was just like "yeah, I don't like the concept of having a sexual relationship" and that has never changed. Not sure if that changes like anything.. ever at all, but go off

I wonder if this is a common thing across fellow 'tistics, or at least some people here feel the same...

For like a majority of my life, I've been more or less invisible. That's the best way to put it. Hell, even my AUTISM was invisible until I tried to KILL MYSELF lolll.

Lol I knew there was something up with me back in middle school at some point cause I was struggling so much, it's just that no one would notice it.

But it's also like no matter how much I try to make my presence known, no one acknowledges it. In school, I did this thing where I'd sneak up on people and get real close to them from behind and scare them cause no one would ever notice me sneaking up behind them. That was my cool superpower. Then, in middle school, there was an incident where my friend and I were playing floor hockey or basketball or some sport I didn't care about in phys ed, and the teacher actively called us out saying if our team didn't pass to one of us, they don't get any game point. Guess who never got the ball! Or the puck? I really don't remember what we were playing, I just remember being ignored.

I've been delegated to a "second" in many relationships recently, most notably the person who constantly said they "wanted me" and when I'd started dating, said they "had me first" only to be cast aside when someone "cooler" (literally just has a car and a little more dance experience than me, and also has access to weed cause they're 21) came along.

In the larger friend group, I'm a side character. I try to make friends, they make closer ones inside the friend group.

In middle school, I dated someone who at some point barely would give me attention at all (save for dms, which feels incorrect), and then this guy would later become very very selfish (he always was, we just didn't notice it) in terms of doing whatever he wants with the expectation that everyone else would follow him, and get upset when things didn't go his way.

I try to make something happen in a more niche community and that doesn't happen cause like 0 people join the server.

I have to have meltdowns for my parents to realize I'm going through stuff emotionally, and even then, they don't help. "Do this, do that" meanwhile my bedroom is a mess and I don't have the energy to clean it up cause PEOPLE KEEP LEAVING ME!!!!

Born to have a friend group, forced to be the one isolated cause no one wants to listen to my drabbles.

I do have best friends and I love them to death, but only like two. I'm left with the impending fear that everyone else I meet is gonna leave either due to some misunderstanding I'm unable to communicate out or. ???? Honestly, genuinely unsure of what else happens that gets me cast aside here.

There's honestly so much I could say on this front, but I've said enough lolll. Does anyone else like experience this tho?