u/Aromatic-Heart-585

alot of advice, especially about discipline, basically just runs with the assumption "oh yeah you should do this for a while. you have to force yourself at first, but you would get used to it eventually / it eventually just clicks."

what if it doesn't, because for me this honestly never happend.

can not recall a time in my life where it did, beyond physical skills like when you first learn writing or something (but are they really on the same level as something thats mental-centered like discipline? and even then, in an internship i had at a warehouse it still did not become automatic to me even after so many repetitive movements, and i embarassed myself really bad when a coworker got disappointed when i forgot how to do shit ive done for so long)

am i expecting too much? not practicing enough, or does it really take that long? i cant force myself for so long periods of time, i simply am like, im just too weak man i dont know. anything requiring focus or forcing myself or fire-under-ass motivation thats longer than even a day, is a faraway dream to me

im desperate at this point so i went to this sub. i just want to be able to do anything.

Like will itself not just willpower. I dont have wants. I feel like my subconscious or irrational mind is the only one with will and im like just a puppet to them

My life is atrophied and boring, i just do the same thing everyday. I thought it was because im a NEET so im now going to a program every weekday and applying to a school and calling friends everyday and going out NOPE DOESNT WORK SHIT FOR ME MAN. I FEEL THE SAME.

And all that above took the last willpower i had. I set them up a while ago and now im just coasting on what i set up.

I do the same things everydsy because i just want to huh. So the solution is not do what you want to do. A shame i had to learn that now and not earlier since i feel trapped by these soul deep unmovable beliefs and im just too tired

Sorry thats all i have to say its only a vent post pretty much