A year ago my boyfriend broke into my apartment
I have been reflecting on this and could use a vent. If you have a similar story, please share.
When it started, I was in a relationship with a man for about 2 years who I loved very much, but it had turned bad. He was very addicted to drugs and alcohol, and it had gotten controlling. He insisted on coming over to my apartment every night and wanted to move in, although I refused. I was living alone in a sketchy in-law unit of a larger house. He would never leave if I asked him to, would never give me any warning about showing up, and would keep me awake all night. If I didn’t let him into my place, he would knock on the windows and doors for hours and blow my phone up over and over. My landlord started giving me a hard time. Finally, I had enough. I dumped his ass and blocked him. It wasn’t easy. I was terrified of giving up the whole future I had imagined with him when things were good. He had dominated my time and space, and I didn’t know what I would do without him. He had isolated me from friends, hobbies, and myself. Eventually, my exhaustion and irritation won over, and I was ready to never see him again. I blocked him and was ready to move on.
A few days later, around 2am, I woke up because I thought I heard something. There he was, just standing in the doorway of my room. I got so mad. My only thought was: he isn’t allowed to be here! I started yelling at him to get out over and over. I stood on my bed and pointed to the door. He told me to stop yelling and began to cover my mouth and nose. I really started to panic when I couldn’t get a breath in. I fought him. At one point, I bit his finger hard enough that he started bleeding. He showed it to me and said, “Look what you did to me!” I was still trying to fight him off. I knew my phone was near me in the bed, so I grabbed for it. I tried to unlock it, but we were still tussling. I held down the lock button and swiped to call 911. I don’t remember exactly what I said. Something like, “My ex broke in. I need help,” and my address. When he heard me, he got off of me and ran out of the apartment. I ran into the bathroom with my phone and locked myself in there. I was completely naked, but luckily there were some clothes on the floor.
I quickly got dressed while I was on the phone with 911. The dispatcher was asking me what he looked like, if he had a weapon, and where he was. I told her I didn’t know where he was, but he might still be inside and I had no idea how he got in. I don’t remember if I heard sirens outside. I know the police had arrived when the dispatcher told me that they could see a broken window and were coming inside through it. I later saw that he had bent up the screen and crawled through my kitchen window. (For context, because my apartment was very small and had no AC or fan, I would leave a window cracked open when I was home.) When I heard the police announce themselves in my room, I came out. I was shaking. They were holding flashlights. I remember thinking there were too many people for my space. I didn’t have anywhere for people to sit. They started asking me questions immediately. What does he look like? What car does he drive? I saw some of them leave and talk outside on their radios. One man stayed with me. I think he seemed nice and was kind of around my age. I was sitting on the couch. He asked if I had a chair, and I told him I only had the couch. I patted the spot next to me so he could sit down. I felt so fucking awkward. He had a clipboard. I told him that my ex was trying to stop me from screaming and that I couldn’t breathe. I told him I bit him really hard. He said, “That’s okay.” And he wrote it all down. He looked at my neck and the side of my face and said, “Yes, I see marks.” He took some pictures with an iPhone of my neck. Then he took pictures of my hands, even though I told him they were fine. Someone else came in and they talked outside.
When the officer I had been talking to came back, he said, “We found him, so that’s really good.” The police had located his car and arrested him. They gave me some domestic violence pamphlets and left. I don’t remember a lot else from that night. I know I called my mom and eventually went to sleep for a couple of hours. The next day, around 1pm, they called me to let me know he was getting released from jail. I asked them to hold him for an hour so I could leave my apartment, and they did.
Legal info:
First I got a stay away order of protection and then a formal restraining order for 3 years.He was charged with: First-degree burglary, Corporal injury to a spouse/cohabitant, Assault by means likely to cause great bodily injury, False imprisonment and Aggravated/unlawful residential trespassing
Let me know if you are interested in the legal end of things. I may make another post about that.
Like I mentioned, it’s been a year and there still hasn’t been a trial or resolution yet. He was petitioning for mental health diversion, but recently just fucked that up by getting a bunch of other violent felonies and a DUI.
Thanks for reading. This has been rattling around in my brain, and I think I just needed to get it out.