Loss of my dad and grief
Hi everyone I’m just on here to ask for any advice on dealing with grief, to tell my story and hear your guys.
I’ve lost my dad to alcoholic liver disease last month, I’m really struggling with the grief. The what ifs, the feeling I could have done more, I’m a big empath and I felt guilt even when he was alive that I wasn’t doing enough but going most the time I was off work to see him and staying hours at a time, travelling two hour journeys alongside working in a children’s home which can also be emotionally demanding.
Since he’s died the guilt has been awful, I was my dads only daughter and there was no other family around us, I’m struggling to deal with him not being here anymore, despite all the hard times we had with his drinking, the arguing, being his outlet most my teenage life, being kicked out and getting blamed, I never felt any different, I just wanted my dad, when he was in hospital it was like I could feel his pain, I’m not making excuses for him but it makes me sad thinking the only way he made himself feel relaxed or happy was having a drink and how sad he must have felt and that I couldn’t be enough for him.
After he’s died so many people have come forward to say how much he loved me and proud he was I was his daughter but it wasn’t ever shown much by him because he was on the spectrum and he struggled with his emotions, this has made my guilt worse because I felt like now I was a bad daughter for not seeing it and doing more, he was only 54 when he died and I just feel robbed.
I just can’t believe he’s not here, I feel numb, it’s in the back of my mind all the time all I can feel is guilt despite everything