I think i just want to let out my feelings after being the outsider to a group yet again.
Its the pattern of my life. I had always had friends and by some miracle i even made new ones as an adult. My current friend group is amazing, they know my diagnosis. And still love and cherish me.
And yet, here we are again, being the weird outsider in a group. After just spending 5 days with them. Thats a new low, even for me.
Regardless if its at work or during school and university. Now it is mostly during my travels, people can only tolerant me for max. 2 weeks. Then they will shun me. At this point its easier if i make me the outcast myself.
I just don't get it. Yes i have some quirks regarding food and eye contact is almost not possible. I also know that not drinking is not helping me socially. But still i somehow always say the wrong things or act in a socially unaccaptable way. Its like i repulse them subconsciously.
I have grown used to it, but it still hurts. Maybe i should tell people i am autistic, so that they know why i am so weird?