I hate my bff
Context: I'm a 16F in std10 and I've a 16F bff since class 6.
Summary: While I've enjoyed my honeymoon phase in our friendship, I finally see her red flags. I wish to end our friendship but I do not how to ( because I do not like being rude and.... It's our last year at school)
Details: Our friendship began when I saved her from being bullied (she's genetically healthy and timid). In our 4 years of friendship, her naiveness as well the timidness has not left her even after I have constantly encouraged that she has to stand up for herself.
The beginning of this friendship was pretty bright in our only girls school, having mocked the **bullies** enough that they will think twice before approaching us. The rumours of us dating spread like wildfire ( that is what happens in only girls school and well... The craze). She stopped holding my hand or hugging me because of what people will think. I hated it because others opinion did not matter to me ( I have always been the kid who back talks to teachers so ykyk). I told her they just need spice, she ignored me.
Somewhere, I felt like I was chasing her, waiting for her, looking for her and hating when her foolish friends talk to her (these friends did not defend her from the bullying). I felt like I was clinging. So I made my own friends in 8 which she started getting jealous of. I lost another of my first bff (she though I was not cool because I never use slangs). She told me my now ex-bff has changed so much and I couldn't agree more (I still do because it's the truth). She missed my ex bff because we all use to have lunch together while I had simply moved on. In 9, we got in the same section and were sitting together. We often faced gossip about silly thing about us especially my a group, let's call them **mean girls**( like i said before she's healthy and I'm the shortest girl in my batch).
At the last month of 9 and the prime of our friendship, she gave me a silent treatment for 3 days (doesn't sound emotional because she was my bff) all because I leaned on a junior's shoulder who called me elder sissy. That time, I consulted my other friends I played with who told they didn't like her much because they often found that she was jealous of my marks (I'm in like top 3 of my class, my ex bff also mocked me several times that I made friends on marks).
Then on, I was not blind. We resumed talking but she never apologised. She side eyed her bullies and the mean girls in the most judgemental manner that I hate. She keeps bluffing about how she wants an international scholorship but her grades are 📉. She distracts me. In every topic me, my friends and juniors talk, she has to give her judgement. I did the anchor for an event for which she said, "if my group did not have so many talented people, I would've done the anchoring too," which translates to "your group has no talented people so you go the chance."
She and I have given our names for anchoring several times but while I've auditioned for it, she never had the courage to. In 10, i jokingly asked her to not sit with me and I wanted to sit alone, she ignored it. I'm glad a teacher separated us. She keeps a constant track of what I'm studying, notices my every movement in the middle of lecture. She told me she wanted to support her family by freelancing, Canva, animation and channel when her father buys her the **laptop** he promised. Inspired, i requested my father for a laptop, I got it and I've even started freelancing. **She. Did. Nothing**. When I got a home tution, she got a home tution. When my tution teacher left, she also said she did not want to do tution and a para on self study.
She talks about topic she has no idea about and keeps repeating her thoughts like she's brainwashing me or something but all I find is annoyance. **Irritation**. She needs to know everything I'm doing. She doesn't take part in competitions but comments on it. She is obsessed with korea and chess but is not able to learn Korean and chess from Duolingo while I'm learning russian and chess.
She hates india, constantly roasts the politics and the government, has plans to flee, talks about civics sense but if you ask her if she would raise her voice, she will not. I also do not it but there's a difference, I would raise my voice against injustice. She's a **coward**, in school and in this world. Not in front of the teacher. Not in front of her batchmates. She never had the guts. She couldn't even deliver a mugged up Julius Ceaser speech. And this girl has been criticising me for my oration and vocals. I was so demotivated due to her before I heard her diabetic voice. Then, she has the audacity to blush and giggle like she is shy.
She overreacts on everything to the point of becoming a pick me. My expressions have numbed and she has noticed it. Idk what to say to her. I hate her friends (they hang out with boys and have boyfriends and shitss like nibba-nibba (they're fools in studies and no scope of future) they're absent half the time, have no idea what is going on in school). **Ambitionless** . I've been avoiding her up till now but this toxicity is turning unbearable.