Really long so I apologize in advance and appreciate any responses!!
I (34f and 'single' mom) have been with my bf (33m) for going on 9 months. Initially sex was so passionate and adventurous. We could barely make it through the door. We NEEDED one another. Now, we have practically a dead bedroom. For clarification, I am a high libido female in my 30s prime.
Some key things I've noticed along the way. I am very open and adventurous. There is only a couple of hard "no' things that I wont explore. Also I am very open about videos and pictures back and forth. He likes receiving them. When I noticed he loved it, I kept them coming. However, we fell into a routine and he was seeing me in person more often. So naturally they stopped being as frequent.
I also noticed that our most passionate moments, unbeknownst at the time, we're semi public or when another adult could walk in at any time, catch us whilst on a road trip, or between the trees of a semi desolate road. Again, this isn't an issue. To add, these moments are when he asked me out and I was struggling financially so couldn't pitch in. Previously I covered a couple of dates where i could.
A few months ago he moved into a studio flat. He had a 2 bedroom and a roommate previously. What I thought was a good thing for our intimacy. Turned out, it actually wasn't. He is now living alone. My financial situation has improved drastically as i have an amazing new job. I visit frequently alone. I have started initiating things and paying for them more. We should be having the best time of our lives. At least, I think so?
Since his move we have absolutely flat lined!! I initiate every time i see him and get turned down. Every. Single. Time. That. I. Initiate....its dawned on me, he wants to lead financially for starters. Secondly, he wants me where there's a risk of getting caught.
He doesn't want me at all when I am not letting him foot the bill or when it is in the privacy of our own homes. He will not have sex if my kids are home (even if they're asleep) and too young to understand.
Also, we have had issues where I had to let him know talking to exes, publicly making us known, and dropping single groups, was a hard limit. So initially I assumed he was cheating. I still dont doubt it, tbh. I just, today, addressed my concerns. Im waiting to process his replies.
I had to figure that he may have a fetish of public sex and cant become aroused without the idea. I had to figure it out on my own and it wasn't without discomfort!! It broke me mentally and emotionally. I felt rejected. I felt not good enough. I felt alone in my insecurities.
Is it normal for people to not voice their fetish and downplay it as a kink? If so, it shouldn't be. It has more questions than answers. Its leaving me so insecure and hurt...i feel lost and deflated. Also frustrated.