4yo boy room sharing with 18mo boy.
Baby slept in bassinet in our room until about 8 months old. Baby has not slept a single full night in his life thus far. My wife is a SAHM and I go to work so I take care of the kids throughout the night and as much as I can when I’m home to offload her mental and physical plate.
We’ve tried sleep training a few times before but he’s either gotten sick, sleep regression, or teeth coming in and we’ve just bit the bullet at the end of the day and caved with snuggles and milk. Baby is also very sensitive boy that needs lots of love throughout the day and night.
Here’s more details on the situation:
- 2hr nap during day for both around 1-3 or 2-4
- Bed Time is at 7:30-8:30
- Wake up time for 4yo is around 6-7
- Wake up time for 18mo is around 7-9
18mo needs snuggles outside the crib and a bottle to fall asleep for nap and sleep. Sometimes needs 2 large bottles and an hour of snuggles until sleep at night. Naps are a little easier.
18mo wakes up at 12am and again at 4-5am. Diaper change from so much liquid, then bottle and snuggles are needed for him to sleep again.
Schedule and routine are consistent:
4-6 play and ware them out
6-7 dinner
7-7:30 bath
7:30-8 ready for bed/books
8-8:30 bedtime
We have tried:
- cry it out
- Furber method
- chair method
- Him in crib and me laying next to crib
- snuggling with 4yo while talking or singing across the room to 18mo
Every one of these methods I’ve tried being quiet, words of love and affirmation, and singing to soothe 18mo to sleep - unsuccessfully
Nothing works. He will cry until he throws up multiple times. I fear for what this is doing to 4yo. When I snuggle with him he asks me to cover his ears. If he is alone in the room while 18mo is crying then he will try to sing or soothe him back down or make him laugh to get him to stop crying.
Because of the amount of times I have given up and gave him milk/snuggles I think I am training 18mo to cry so hard that he throws up so that I come in with more milk and snuggles. Now when he starts to cry it sounds like he is trying to throw up to make me come in sooner. He needs to unlearn this and learn to sleep on him own. Is that even possible at this point?
There are also times where he is crying and I go to soothe him and nothing will soothe him. He doesn’t want snuggles or milk or his stuffy. He doesn’t want to be picked up or put down anywhere. Change of scenery sometimes works but only for 30 seconds until he screams again.
I think the kids need to be separated at night during this sleep training phase but don’t know who needs to move out and where they can move to. We don’t have room for either of them to move out of that room since we only have 2 bedrooms.
Proposed plan 1
- 7:30 bedtime for 18mo in kids room
Give 1x 8oz milk bottle and put him in the crib
- I will lay next to him when he is in crib
- Lay until he falls asleep co-regulating? Or lay with him for 10min and then say I goodnight and leave the room
- Let him cry until he throws up. Go in, clean it, leave. Stay outside the room until he falls asleep
4yo can read books with mom from 7:30-8 then have 4yo go into the room
- 18mo is predicted to cry for hours so I don’t think this plan will work
Proposed plan 2
- have 18mo crib moved to our room and sleep train him there while 4yo gets to sleep in his bed
- Bedtime with 18mo with Dad
- Say Nini to Mom and brother
- Book
- Bottle and lay outside of crib with him for 10 min
- Say goodnight and leave
- Do 10 minute check ins to see if he threw up and needs to be cleaned
- Bedtime with 4yo with Mom
- Say Nini to Dad and brother
- Book
- Snuggle him for 10 min
- Say goodnight and leave
- Do 10 minute check ins if needed
Question: How can we settle 18mo at night without 4yo getting woken up?
Answer 1?: Have 4yo transfer to our bed until 18mo goes to sleep?
Answer 2?: Have 18mo sleep in our room. Then 4yo is not waken up during night time sleep training but then wife and I are kept awake during this. Wife to sleep on couch while I soothe?
Main point:
I need some help finding a proper routine so I can confidently stick to that for put down and throughout the night to eliminate night wakings while having everyone else get as much sleep as possible throughout the night.