My(27M) ex(26F) broke up with me due to my emotional unavailability and I lost my job in the same week. How would you handle this situation?
I (27M) went through a break up with my ex (26F) a couple of months ago. We've known each other for over 10 years since school. We were 7 years into our relationship and the first few years were amazing. We both were extremely happy with each other, understanding and supportive. We were sure of getting married to each other until weeks before breaking up. Things started changing during the last couple of years where we did feel there was some distance between us which I feel was primarily driven by my work.
I've been working at a startup tackling some tough problems. Over the last couple of years, the company has seen plenty of challenges, leadership roles changing which did make me take up a full ownership of my department just after a year I started my career. I did have the option of leaving the company but that would mean job uncertainty in a difficult environment. Along with letting go of the people I've been working with. So I decided to stick around and give my best shot. We faced a lot of problems but we were progressing slowly and steadily. This however did take an immense toll on me mentally. I did not realise how stressed I was during those moments which slowly kept on piling up for the last couple of years affecting my relationship.
My ex and I were very much in love(we still are maybe idk) but things were clearly not the same as before. Our emotional distance grew and physical intimacy reduced. She kept telling me I was not listening to her, or understanding her and I don't have any emotional intelligence. I couldn't get what she really meant during those moments nor did I take the time to step back to process everything fully. In hindsight, I realise I was mentally exhausted and shutting down emotionally. I started losing interests in the things I used to enjoy and even the things she is interested in. I used to workout regularly, play soccer almost everyday but that only kept me physically fit. I did not realise how much the whole journey was impacting me and my closed ones. We did have our happy moments together, meeting over weekends and I made sure I would take out time to call her and go on dates. But there were times where I realise that I wasn't fully present, my mind racing with thoughts on autopilot and not being fully in control.
After a point, she was emotionally charged up and it did become a blame game where both of us started getting defensive. We got trapped in a cycle that we couldn't get out of. She is an emotionally sensitive person and I could not meet her emotional needs which does hurt me now.
A couple of months ago, she came and told me that she wanted a break from the relationship which a week later also resulted in her wanting a breakup because a temporary break wasn't helping out.
The breakup wasn't all smooth but both of us did realise that we were hurting each other and the dynamic wasn't really working out. She does care for me even now but the situation is in a confusing state. We are not on bad terms but there is distance between us. I am not sure if she's fully out of it, or waiting for her pain to reduce and see if I reflect on myself and grow.
Also regarding the company, we were actively looking for investments for the last few months but it did not workout due to the war situation. This eventually led us to letting go of my team as well. So in the span of a week, I've lost a long term relationship and my job. I am in a very confused and uncertain state right now not knowing what to do.
I've consulted a therapist (which is pretty expensive) and most of the symptoms lead to chronic stress and burnout. I've been actively using chatgpt to stabilize my emotional state. I do feel it is getting better but I still keep getting lost and not being able to focus on my work / job search. Took a short break last month that helped me reset a little from the initial shock. I do realise now how much I've hurt her but a part of me probably also expected better empathy from her side. I don't blame her because in the end everything did happen because I did not manage my mental state very well.
There's more nuance to the story but this is all I can jot down for this post. Wanted some opinion of the relationship community on how to tackle this. Thanks!
TLDR: Had a breakup with my longterm girlfriend and lost my job in the same week. Mostly due to my mental exhaustion and emotional shutdown from work that I did not manage well. Feeling lost and enable to focus. Need some advice on how to move forward.