How can I deal with my insecurities whilst dating?
I am a 24 year old woman who had a long history with body dysmorphia. baggy clothes, trying to be invisible, covered mirrors in my room...etc. But eventually at 18, I went to uni, made new friends, was too worried about studies to care about how I look...and the next thing I know, I have gained some confidence? I started dressing better, smiling and laughing in public..etc
I was even able to talk to a guy for the first time, I was myself. It felt great. Frees up a lot of mental space. I was getting approached in public, complimented by boys and girls...etc
Yet lately (this year specially) I started getting more insecure, I am not so sure what triggered it, but I went back to hunching my shoulders, slightly clenched jaws, talking very little, polite nods and smiles... I started trying to make myself smaller.
Anyways, at first I was ignoring these signs, but they became a problem. I ended things with the last guy I talked to because I felt incredibly undesired and unwanted. We met at an academic event, he came over, introduced himself and we exchanged phone number under a pretext of work. Eventually we started to talk more often and discussed the possibility of a future together. But what bothered me is his underwhelming behavior about my looks. he would keep telling me "idc about looks, personality is what matters", the last straw was when he told me that I wasn't truly his type...I obviously ended things after that comment.
Now I am talking to someone new, makes effort, kind, has high morals and values, thinks about how his actions can affect me...I can clearly feel that he wants to talk to me, and wants to build a future together. Do I feel like he is attracted to me? NOT AT ALL. We met online and the first time I sent him pics of what I look like....he was just fixated on my glasses, he told me I looked nice almost as an after thought. I ignored it thinking maybe it's because he is religious, maybe he is shy? But then on 3 separate occasions he would ask for my measurements. When I answer he would say "ah I am X height/weight" and it would be less than me, after it by 1 min he would reply with "jk! I am actually Y height/weight" which would be slightly bigger/taller than me. I dont mind being with someone my own height since I am tall, but the way he talks about such stuff makes me feel...HUGE. For context I am 170cm tall and weigh 65kg. Also he Never asked for more pictures??
I genuinely can't tell anymore if someone finds me unattractive or if its just my insecurities.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)