OK, so I’m curious when did you know the relationship was abusive like how far into dating, how long were you dating before the first incident happened? How serious was the first incident? How long was that period of calm after the first incident and then did it happen again? Has it increased overtime?
So because we’ve gone really long periods of time with calm in between aggressive action I’m having a hard time believing it’s abuse.
For more context,me, 30F and my fiancé 31M have been together nearly 5 years we have three kids we own a house together, and we own a car together to say the least of our lives are completely intertwined
About four years ago, there was an instance of violence aggression. He kind of stormed up me across the room, made some threats cornered me in the house and of course when I left, he was blowing up my phone apologizing with every excuse and it’s been a long time since that happened. I thought we were good, but then something happened about a month ago.
He was kind of caught in a lie regarding our oldest daughter and discipline, and because I was not backing him up, and I was just kind of hearing the situation, figuring out what was happening because I was not backing him up immediately with minding my daughter his stepdaughter, he raised his hand like he was gonna backhand me. He tried to apologize and say you know I wasn’t gonna hit you. It was just a reflex, blah blah blah.
Well, now it’s been about a month and we’ve joined therapy couples therapy. The therapist kind of sucks and is kind of dismissive of me and my feelings in this situation when I first explained what happened and how I was feeling about it the therapist said “oh well it’s not that bad. It’s not great.”
Anyways, maybe it’s not that bad maybe because there has been so much time in between and I mean he is going to therapy. Maybe it’s not that bad.