Fantasy vs Orientation?
I wanted to know anyone’s thoughts on daydreaming, what crushes should look like, your experiences? Anyone daydream about a gender but have no tension with them irl? Does the below echo any bi person’s experience? I’ve previously identified as a biromantic homosexual but when examining my past and irl reactions I don’t know if I can say that’s true?
“For me, I (20F) had developed an intense coping mechanism from my abusive, religious environment that involved maladaptive daydreaming. I was pretty much dissociating for the majority of my teen years. I thought I had “crushes” on men which composed of me either just considering they were objectively attractive to me having this hobby of researching them.
I loved learning when I was younger, was very lonely, and also had deep seated comphet/internalized homophobia. So I would pick the most handsome but tragic celebrities or characters to research, and watch their movies or listen to their songs. I would use them to vent or put them in my daydreams as like my costar to some intense plot line. It was very much a parasocial friendship. These phases would last for largely 4 months, I would get bored if I exhausted the daydreaming material and learned practically everything about them, and then onto the next.
I got into the hobby of writing down the names of these men and soon the list came to 78 or so names. Despite all of that I had and still have no sexual or romantic attraction, tension, or spark with men irl. I may like their style, personality, backstory, or humor, but my engine is only revved when imagining all of that on a woman. I feel familial or deeply platonic at best with men irl, nothing neutrally, or fear at worst.
Compared with intense romantic/sexual tension with women spontaneously irl. Daydreaming about women now, I daydream intense longing, slow dancing to love songs, getting married, making dinner in the kitchen and I am happy. If there is some crazy plot, it still features my romance with women.”