Hey BC, thanks in advance for taking the time, it's much appreciated. I'm always so impressed by the feedback you provide. This is the first time I'm posting here, but I've gotten feedback from others promting a second draft for this query letter. Don't hold back!
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Dear [Agent Name],
I am seeking representation for Loki & Quinevere: The Secret of Sintra, a middle-grade portal fantasy of 43,400 words. This story will appeal to readers of Fablehaven who enjoy sibling-driven adventure with sharp humor and genuine stakes. (ADD SENTENCE FOR SPECIFIC AGENT.)
Twelve-year-old Loki has a knack for finding treasure. His eleven-year-old sister, Quinevere, has a knack for finding trouble. When a horned serpent and a shape-shifting chipmunk ask for their help to escape the human world, Loki discovers his gift for uncovering treasure is actually something far more remarkable—an ability to sense magic.
While helping their new friends return to Sintra, a secret world filled with mythological creatures and elemental magic, Loki and Quinevere discover The Compendium of Beasts and Blooms hidden in their attic, a mysterious guide to every living thing in Sintra. Its existence raises an impossible question: if this book originates from Sintra, how did it end up in a house their family has owned for generations?
In Sintra, Loki and Quinevere discover a world at war. The Royals, Sintra's rulers, are losing a war to the Shade Army, a ruthless faction determined to expand into the human world. Worse still, they’ve sabotaged the four Elemental Thrones that power Sintra's magic. With their forces stretched thin, the Royals make the siblings an offer: use Loki's ability to locate and investigate the damaged Thrones, and in return, they will uncover the truth behind their family's connection to Sintra.
The mission is supposed to be simple information gathering, but within a day, Loki has accidentally melted a dragon’s treasure hoard, Quinevere has adopted a family of prank-obsessed gnomes, and they’ve both learned that the biggest threat to their safety isn’t the Shade Army—it’s learning how to use magic themselves.
As they race to restore the Elemental Thrones, Loki and Quinevere uncover a dangerous truth: they may share blood with the very villain threatening both worlds.
The complete manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Jason West