u/Automatic-Flow2974

As the title might indicate, I’m not having one of the best moments and thanks to old y and r, I can escape right now. A friend texted me this morning to say how messy the couples on the new season of 90 Day Fiance are and gave me a whole new level of appreciation of a story to fall into and not a bunch of creative editing where half the “story” is wondering what is real and what is not.

I’m asking myself why an old soap is more engaging than say a limited series on Netflix. Is it because it is easier to feel like a character is real when your brain knows they are long term and not part of a ten episode arc? I could ask Le Chat but given the AI storyline on current y and r, and for a whole host of other reasons I’ll ask here instead.

As a side note, I’m just curious if the y and r fandom are divided into Terry Lester/Peter Bergman camps or do people appreciate that each actor was/is excellent in his own way?

I’m currently watching the Tom Fisher storyline from Y and R. Granted, I’m sure this wouldn’t be an issue if I hadn’t already seen Roscoe Born in shows where he didn’t have a moustache or if I didn’t I dislike moustaches in general. It could also be that he’s already coming across as so creepy and unlikeable that the moustache seems like an unneeded prop. The irony is I bought these episodes specifically to watch that character and I’m skipping over him to the other storylines. The show is so good.

What’s going on: I’ve made a time intensive commitments to help a friend build something when I know that might be over extending myself but as always, in hypomania it’s hard to keep one’s mouth shut about all the ideas in one’s head. My hands get cold and clammy over the stupidest of things and I can’t take anti anxiety meds because I can’t put the breaks on the idea that if 1 is good 5 are better. I’m super worried about things that my personality would be chill about but my brain chemistry insists are major. I feel guilty about not doing the things I need to do because I have that restless energy that makes it hard to concentrate is alo making me feel too paralyzed to exercise. I feel like I need to cry but I don’t have the energy to pull up the youtube videos that normally trigger a flood of tears.

What I’m doing: congratulating myself for getting out of bed and sitting at my desk. I’ve got my first cup of herbal tea of the day in front of me and plan to have fifteen more. I didn’t give in to eating all the chips that I put on my instacart shop last night and are sitting about three feet away in the kitchen. I’m trying to give myself a little grace because at least all the chips I bought were 2 dollars and not 3.95. Despite what I should be working on, I’m being grateful I have the space to spend the day doing the things that help calm me and hardest of all I’m trying to remind myself what I’m experiencing today is illness and not personality which is really hard on days like today. If anyone can help convince my brain that the last sentence is true. I’m posting here instead of sending rambling texts to a close friend basically apologizing for being a shitty person when they’ve told me repeatedly that I’m a good friend. For some reason that last sentence is bringing the tears from the back of my eyes to the front even if they won’t fall. I’ve made sure to take my scheduled dose of lamotrigine even though I’m inclined to forget on days as crappy as this.