Hi, so I’m sorry if this is on the long end and NEVER thought I’d be posting something like this.
My best friend of over a decade now is getting married, and let me tell you I LOVE this chick, we have only ever been the best of friends with crazy energy and never once argued. Like understood each other completely and had sooo many similar interests and crazy ideas. Well her wedding is at the end of the year and for some reason everyone was telling her to NOT have me in her wedding. Which is odd because it’s always been in each others cards that we were gonna be each others bridesmaids, hell I have her dress picked and everything (😅) and her mom told me before wedding no plans even started she wanted me next to her on the big day. So when time came to her asking me I missed first phone call because her phone number didn’t transfer from my android to Apple and well… high school was socials so we didn’t message there a lot. Well I listen to her voicemail and call her already knowing what the question is barely able to contain the giddiness, I was so so happy for her and excited. Well she told me I was going to be her attendant which I looked up (we’re both 23 and so not all wedding terms are known yet 🤦🏼♀️🤣) and was like, you know what cool, if this is her will and way I’ll happily oblige but something about it felt off. I stewed and thought about it and remembered, his family is CRAZY religious. I’d hate to be wrong with my guess on which one so I’m not going to try but let’s say I have not followed their ways at all. I have three babied, unmarried and living with my partner and happy as can be.
So later that day she invited me to her dress try on very very late which cool, I live 30 minutes away from the shop thankfully I’ll be there shortly after I change and stuff. Get there and the directions took me a block ahead and by the time I got there she was already paying for her dress so I brought her to the candy shop up the street to catch up and giggle and squeal about her exciting new life event I’ve been waiting forever to finally hear is happening. For some background: they have been together for 7 years and they have a very steady and loving relationship. So we catch up and giggling and she apologizes for not having me as her maid of honor which her soon to be sister in law got which is perfectly fine, I’m just happy to be a part of her special day. Then I’m getting stronger fishy feelings and start talking with my mom and I’m like…. She’s hiding something and I think she’s not happy with how things are going in her wedding….
I get a call a few weeks later and she’s crying sad and guilty because I wasn’t her maid of honor and we knew I would be and I told her it’s ok, I knew it was bugging her and that I just want what is going to make her the happiest and what she will look back in five and ten years and be happy about. It’s not my day, it’s hers. I told her to talk with her man and to find a plan that works for them both because just as much as it’s her day it’s his and he knows her better than even me and loves her even more so I know it’ll all go smoothly. Good talk and the next day or so she calls and says I’ve been promoted to matron of honor since I’m basically married to my partner🤭
so then the day of her dress fitting is also our bridesmaid dress hunt day so she invited me to go see her dress while she does an altering visit and of course I take that opportunity and my goodness when I tell you I was so pleasantly surprised at the dress✨🤚🏻😭🙂↔️🤩 she was so beautiful and was beaming and I was so happy for her. Then I took her to dinner and we talked a lot about life and wedding and babies and what it’s like having babies and all that bread jam and butter. We get to the dress store and I promptly go and chit chat with her mom who I haven’t see in a hot minute but notice a… vibe towards me, a certain distain and disinterest. Let me say, I was having a hard time while I was there too because I was freshly postpartum, biggest I’ve ever been and pumping most of the time there so I didn’t know my size at all and I was feeling gross about everything I was putting on but she and her mom made me feel better where they could so bless them 🥹
so fast forward a week we get a group chat about the Bach. THIS is where the turn happens so buckle up. We are trying to color code because it’s going to be at a waterpark. Mind you I had a PLAN, and absolute bride oriented plan for this and I was hoping to be the main buyer for it all since her maid of honor and partners family is spending so much already. So I was talking with her about it and she loved my idea and that I was trying to keep it respectful since I remembered a long while back that they are really religious and are great about sticking to those morals so I tried to tone it down for them and she approved. Well in chat I brought up some raunchy hats with silly things on it, mine would have been mommy milkers for obvious reasons, hers cougar alert because her partner is younger and then whatever the girls would have wanted for theirs and I sent them all the options and circled the really soft stuff like all baby no sugar and I love dilfs/hot dads etc. well they promptly said do not buy those we are not comfortable, this is going to be a dry and clean wedding and I’m sitting staring at my phone like 0.0 -.- 0.0 ok sister whatever you say I’m not stirring the pot weddings are stressful enough.
Now they start going on about the dress code and honestly it was stuff that I personally wouldn’t have felt comfortable in with my size and with my sensitivity to certain fabrics with my whole mommy milkers situation 😂 so I asked if maybe we could just do like colors or not certain textures but themes that way we can have our own creativity and be comfortable and that right there was an argument and it was no disrespect on them just me having a lot of self esteem issues because I know my body isn’t where I’m comfortable yet and probably won’t be then either. They don’t like that I was pushing them so hard and went straight to bride and never told me the actual dress code. Cool they’ll tell me later I guess. A few months later and I’ve heard nothing on it other than I’m buying gifts and I have no idea what the color is, where, when, what, time, how nothing.
Randomly one day I get a message asking to help pay for the Bach and I’m like… yeah I don’t mind paying for the whole thing I just need to know the knows… where is it, how is it… I only get told where. Nothing else and I’m like ok cool I’m more than happy to pay for our stay packages and have everyone contribute like $100 to help with passes and brides stay and I’ll still do the big gift baggies I had planned for everyone and I’d buy decorations and stuff too. And let me tell you, it was hefty for my pay but I love that girl and want this for her. They promptly shut me down and said 200 only a that they have it all planned. I keep asking what planned and stuff and not getting any answers so I ask the bride and she says stuff I had no idea and I’m getting red flags blaring in my face. The saxophones are getting louder. Now I have some information but last I heard it was a dry, anti raunchy, anti dirty, anti smeggsual Bach. So I’m sitting there with the small new information telling her point blank, I knew none of that. And she is making excuses so I’m like sighing knowing what’s going to happen so I tell her not to say anything and I’ll be respectful in asking for more information and stuff.
So later after I’m done caring for my children and home and everything in between I message the other two girls planning the Bach and say something along the lines of how traditionally the whole bachelorette group is a part of the planning because it’s from us to her and that I knew nothing and whether it’s intentional or not it’s not ok and that I can’t make plans around something I don’t know when is and can’t get the custom made gifts if the event is so close because I was going to have custom made gift bags and shirts and towels and makeup bags etc for all the girls and code it towards their person because I went to high school with them and for the older sister I could ask the bride or scour creepylike through her Facebook for some hints. Well they did NOT. Take that well and went straight to bride to complain and started telling me small details. The Bach is when my family who lives across the country (I border Canada and they live by the Gulf of Mexico) will be visiting on the days specified and I always keep my calendar open to my family only when they are here for my children to see grandma and grandpa.
then I texted my friend and said I couldn’t make her Bach unfortunately. then they are texting me in the group and one got hostile with me and I just kinda didn’t respond to that message because I’m not doing petty I’m trying to do something for my friend and can’t be a part of it if I know nothing. Then my friend and I are texting because she wants me there and we were talking about doing a second Bach with just her and I but I’m like… I know the other girls would enjoy what we want to do and that it’s just the two who don’t want to do it so I don’t see a point in doing another when it could be fun to more than just us. Well now I’m telling her that I feel unwanted and intentionally left out because the girls told me in the group of the two planners and I that they had told the other girls EVERYTHING and that maybe it was miscommunication… I told my friend after that it’s intentional and I’m not going to keep being disrespected. she then suggested we call and I work until 4:30-6:30 at night and have a 30 minute drive home then gotta get my kids cared for for the night so it might be hard to do that because I leave my house by 6:30 at the latest to get to work on time. So we had a plan to call and then she asked what exactly was my issue and I sent her all the receipts of the chat and said this, that and not telling me anything and only communicating when it comes to finances felt like they were trying to sideline me. Internally I knew they’re doing their damn hardest to get me out of the wedding period. I just never would have communicated it to her.
She’s a people pleaser and can’t handle confrontation or conflict well so she errs on the side of caution. Well then I noticed her responses started getting heavy ChatGPT coded and didn’t sound like her at all and my gut was screaming. But we eventually got the call planned like I said before and we’re on good terms and being us again. THE NEXT MF DAY. I get a text from her that was completely ChatGPT (and it was weird because some of it was never an issue but was written in her message as if it had been like planning being too hard and stuff) about how I was no longer invited to her ceremony or any events for her wedding and life. Now when I tell you I was shocked shitless I was. I just responded back with ok, thank you I hope your day goes beautifully and best wishes. At that point I was flabbergasted and hurt. Then she responded back about best wishes to me and my beautiful babies and I broke. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever read from a friend and it wasn’t even her.
My guess is that she’s stressed and stuff so her anxiety medication got bumped again because she said she’s a zombie lately (this is not me saying it in a mean way just context because it’s important for my theory, I have no distain or issues with her needing help with this because it’s common and helps her be better) so I think she’s in a place where she just does what people say and I think her in-laws decided it was time to pull the plug on me when they had their dinner the night before. I genuinely think they planted false seeds and started to make her do things she didn’t want because there’s so much weird inconsistencies lately and I know it’s for the sake of keeping peace but it’s so hard if it is. My brother thinks it could be that and that it was also me setting boundaries with her about not being disrespected by her future in-laws and that if a phone call was had and they started to I would hang up and opt out because I have better things to do with my time. I’m a mom of three, my house always needs cleaning ok? And he thinks my theory is also right. I’m just worried that she will call me later regretting her decision and try to get me back in like she did before. I had a gut feeling then like I do now it’s going to happen. I keep telling myself and my partner I won’t go out of respect for myself at that point because a) she didn’t stand up for me, b) I’m not wanted and won’t be welcome and c) all the Bach stuff would be done and I’d have only the ceremony to worry about. Now this isn’t me saying I don’t care for her. I still hold her high in my heart but I’ve never been so hurt in my life and for this to be the go to direction… it just feels so premeditated and expected.
I want to be corrected if there was anywhere I truly was wrong because if so I want to amend. But I also want to know what I should do in this situation. I haven’t responded since her last message because I thought it was very final and that I was cut out but I genuinely want to know why I wasn’t invited and why that was immediately where she went with it. Or do I just wait and see if she ever tells me herself? It’s just such a saddening thing.