TLDR my bf (36M) told me that if I (35F) got a new dog/puppy while we are in our two bedroom apt that he will have zero responsibility and will not help me at all with anything. No walks when I’m sick, the dog must go to my mother’s for a month if we have a baby. If we get a house, which, we’re still a couple years away from, then he will help me.
My dog of 11 years recently passed away. It was a huge shock and I am devastated. I raised him from a puppy and he was more than my companion, he was my shadow. I grew up with dogs and cats in my family home and since the age of 24, always had my dog with me. My bf did not grow up with animals and is not really a ‘dog person’. He prefers cats, which we have. We have a boy and girl who are 2 and 1 yo.
We live in a large 2 bedroom apartment, but I would be lying if I said we aren’t wanting for more space. We want to buy a house but that’s at least another year out. Also, my bf has allergies. He pushes through with the cats, but he takes allergy mediation and is miserable through allergy season. After the first month or two they calm down and he’s able to get back to life without the pills. On top of this, we are in the process of trying for a baby.
I told him I’d like to get a dog before I get pregnant because I know that if we wait until after pregnancy it will get pushed by years. My previous dog was 50 lbs and took up a lot of space. I told him I wanted to get a small breed (thinking mini poodle) that is hypoallergenic to help with his allergies. That breed also doesn’t shed, so less hair in the apartment. My thought is get the dog before a baby, have time to train it, give full attention and be able to integrate it into our home for at least 10 month prior to a birth (assuming I get pregnant next month).
He told me that he understood if I needed a dog for my mental health but that he would have zero responsibility and nothing to do with the new dog. If I am sick, he will not walk it, if I’ve had a long day, he will not walk it, if I’m postpartum the dog has to stay with my mom for a moth because he will not walk it. He said if we get a house then he will contribute and wants to be a part of picking, training etc. but not if we are in our apartment. He told me I have to ‘come to him with a plan’; pet insurance, a backup plan for care if we travel (we usually only travel once a year and my mom happily watched my previous dog), the dog can’t sleep in our room, I have to have a fund set aside for damages to his couch etc. in case there is chewing. He said he is nervous because with my 11 yo dog he knew exactly what to expect, but with a new dog, a puppy at that, he has no idea what to expect.
He said he felt pressured to walk my other dog, but was resolved to the fact and thought that dog would be here for several more years. I wfh 3 days a week and go into my office 2x. Those office days I had a dog walker who was amazing and I asked my bf to walk my dog twice a week. I would ask if he could help throughout the week and I would get mad if he said no and wasn’t doing anything while I was cooking etc. but the understanding was 2x a week he helped. I took my dog to the vet, did vaccines, transported him to and from places, did the dog parks etc. My bf did take him to the park and would walk him when I asked, but he has said he felt pressured to do so.
I was thinking of a dog within the next several months, but it’s either I get the dog and shoulder the entire thing alone with zero support, potentially going into pregnancy alone, or I don’t get a dog for what will probably be several years. Is it unreasonable of me to ask this of my bf? Am I the issue for wanting to bring a dog into our shared space within the foreseeable future? He said he wanted to let me know these things now so I know exactly what I’m getting into and there are no misunderstanding if I get one.