u/Automatic_Read_8226

I had my soul dog Benji put to sleep today. He's been poorly for a few months, on and off. He was diagnosed with cancer that bad spread to his liver and spleen. He also had a growth on his back. He became anemic and was breathing so fast. We were told that this was because of anemia. At the at home euthanaisier appointment today, he was given the initial sedative. His breathing went back to normal. The vet doing this said it's because he was in so much pain before. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I fucked up, I failed him. I asked the vets to give him pain relief, they said he wasn't in pain. He was the bravest boy, pretending he was ok for so long. I feel like I'm evil, for doing this to him and I can't undo it. I wanted him pain free and at peace. I trusted the vets. I'm so sorry Benji. I love you so much.

My soul dog was put to sleep today. It was so peaceful, we chose at home euthanaisier. He was a rescue and has been there through everything. I miss him, I miss him following me, I miss his smell, the way he'd always be there. I loved him and I always will. I don't know how I'll cope without him. But I now feel that i failed him. I didn't want him in pain any more.

He had liver and spleen cancer, he was very anemic and breathing so fast and off his food. He had a growth on his back which was suspected sarcoma but he wasn't well enough to put under GA. We went to three different vets to find out why he was so poorly. He was finally sadly diagnosed with cancer. I don't know how they kept missing it. He collapsed previously after ga, they thought he had Addison's and we were sent on our way but he never really got better.

What's haunting me is that they said he wasn't in pain. When the vet who came today did the sedative, she said he was in pain because finally he was breathing ok after the sedative. I hate myself. I feel like I didn't advocate for him enough. I trusted the vets advice. I asked the vets if he was in pain, they said he was breathing fast because of anemia. They said the cancer couldn't be treated because it had spread. I asked them to give him pain relief and something to help him eat. But for weeks we went back and forth to different vets and I trusted them. I'm so stupid.

I didn't deserve you Benji. I'm so sorry.

Fuck cancer.