I slept with someone
5 years ago at 19 years old , I slept with someone during a time my , boyfriend who is now husband , and I were broken up . We were broken up for about 2 months , during the break up I was sleeping with someone else while also sleeping with boyfriend . I wanted the cake and ice cream and it was terrible and I’m disgusted with my 19yo self , fast forward we got back together and I never told him I slept with someone else just told him I was hanging out with someone and we would go on dates . During these past 5 years it was continuously brought up and I never told him the full truth until recently when I guess the guilt was too much of not telling him the full truth about it . During these 5 years we had 2 children , and since telling him the truth he says he wants a divorce , that this family is fake and he no longer finds me attractive, that I never loved him and I don’t love him now . He said if I told him the truth 5 years ago we would have been indefinitely done with . I am not excusing my behavior at all , it was wrong . I’m just not sure what to do , we have children together and I love him , I’ve done nothing but stay committed to him and by his side these past 5 years he just can’t seem to get past I had sex with someone else during that time . Looking for advice or anything. It’s hard for me to see his pov because if the tables were turned I would definitely feel hurt and betrayed but not wanting to leave him over it .. please be kind this is a really hard time . thank you
Update : I’ve read all of the comments some are helpful some are kind of shitty ngl . We were completely broken up , he could do what he wanted and vice versa . It was wrong (I guess) to sleep with both at the same time , I knew the situation ship i had wasn’t anything but sex . After a while I did tell boyfriend at the time we did engage in kissing and oral sex but never told him the full length of the story . He was hurt but still wanting to get married and have children , now fast forward it’s my fault we got married to begin with and my fault we had children . I am the one that broke up with him due to , what I felt, emotional unavailability at the time . Also to add while he is upset with me sleeping with someone else and lying , it’s me having sex with someone else that is making the huge difference.