There has to be more to life than this
I'm only 23 and in my life I've been through so much it's disorienting and traumatic. I also have major depressive disorder.
I've been forcefully displaced so many times while trying to grow that I never even got the chance to lay down solid roots. I feel kind of deserted
I moved away from my hometown at 13 and I moved back a decade later and I feel completely isolated. It wasn't even my first choice to go back here, life forced me back here. But it really laid out the contrast of where my life has led and the depth of the holes in my heart.
I'm barely scratching the surface of my life with this. I remember my last therapist before I left told me that I was very capable in my own hands and even better at assessing and motivating myself than they had the power to be.
But that's just it I guess, there's always something to work through. To solve. I hardly ever find myself just existing without many thoughts or worries.
For the longest time I've had this terrible feeling that societal structures in their current forms and lack of community, for a person like me was just going to be torturous however you cut it.
And Im not suicidal, I just feel abandoned in every direction I face. Death feels like just another lonely pathway leading away from what I really value but can seemingly never find. Community.