u/AwardDifficult4110

First off, I’m a 17-year-old boy—a bit of a nerd, not exactly ugly—but the story I’m about to tell is about the closest I’ve ever been to a girl, and that’s why I think it’s really hard for me to let go. But you’ll see—so let’s get into it.

This was back when I joined the “teen group” at age 12. There was this girl—beautiful and perfect. The teen group is for 10–15-year-olds. For years, I tried to get closer to this girl, but nothing worked.

Later, when I was 15, I joined the youth group. There was another girl there who was also interesting. We got closer and had almost something like a relationship, but it wasn’t a relationship—it was more like friends with benefits. But at the end of the day, I was still 15, and we didn’t really have anything; it was basically a kind of kindergarten-level relationship. We’ll call this girl Anna and the girl from before Marie.

Even though I’m with Anna now, I could never forget Marie. Then she got a little closer to me—Marie, that is. I was a bit desperate. Eventually, that kind of “relationship” with Anna faded away. But then I generally stayed out of the youth group and lost contact with both of them.

Last summer (summer 2025, today is April 2026) I got back in touch with Marie via WhatsApp. It looked like she was interested, and deep down I was interested in her too. But I, being the idiot that I am, didn’t do anything, didn’t make a move, simply because I thought that if I got together with her, my “friends” would think she was weird.

In the end, I was such a jerk that she suggested we cut off contact again. But Marie is good friends with my sister, and I see her every now and then, like today. That reminds me of everything.

But now it’s too late anyway, since I didn’t show any interest during summer break either and kept telling my “friends” that I didn’t want anything to do with her.

How do I let go? Like I said at the beginning, this is the only thing I’ve ever had with a girl, and I constantly feel the urge to text Marie something, but that’s pointless—if I were to get involved with her now, I’d be the biggest loser since I’ve already told all my “friends” that I don’t want anything. Last week, Marie sent me old pictures of us out of the blue. I ignored them, and I’m still ashamed of it. I lowkey hate myself for all of that.

First of all Iam a 17 year old male first of all Next tuesday, i have an appointment with a therapist to get tested for ADHD. The daydream I am sharing is quite self-centered Iam the absolut center of attention. Could you tell me what you think of it ? Even if not, I still feel the urge and the need to share it.

So lets dive into it.

In a parallel universe where, at the age of 12 or 13, I was already scamming pedophiles out of money on chat plattforms like knuddels by pretending to be an underage girl. Thats also how i connected with like minded people and founded a sort of network on Discord, with contacts, that initially focused on scamming pedophiles.

It workes, and the network becomes an organization where iam at the top and lead it. It also expands : from scamming people online we move to home vistis to scam them out of even more money and even kill them. Later drug dealing is added to the mix.

Organizations like the CIA or others can not find me, I manage to stay hidden. By the age of 17 , I am in my "prime" . I have found a girlfriend, and the organization is running perfectly. Intelligence agencies like the CIA know i exist, but they do not know who iam. I live my life alongside my secret life.

The people i started out with are now part of the inner circle and help with planning and so on. But this has also became a circle of friends with whom I can hike,travel and experience things. I make plans, such as establishing my own state where Afgahnistan, Pakistan, Kyrgistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan are located today.

I imagine taking over this region and turning the new county into an economic powerhous with the money i have earned.

But everything starts to fall apart. My identity is exposed, and I have to flee to Thailand to a property of mine. Later they also find where it is and where i am i took my girlfirend with me to thailand. We realized to late that they found out where we was located.

They are already storming the place. she is shot dead, I survive and flee. My world collapses. I snap and take revenge on everyone involved in my gf s dead.

I kill every one of them and then commit suicie. I am than burried in the grave next to my gf s. After my death one of my best friends steps in take over the organizations leads it and carries out my plans.

AM I A FREAK FOR THINKING ABOUT THIS ? I AM REALLY INSECURE ABOUT THIS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS.