Serious & potential dangerous family member dilemma…
Hi everyone! Sorry in advance for the long story.
We are having a backyard wedding on family property in a month. We live on the same property, but the ceremony and reception will take place at my fiancé’s grandparents yard/deck. There were already some hesitations when we first decided to do this, but it’s a gorgeous riverfront property, and I love the idea of having it be somewhere special (land has been in the family for almost 100 years, fiancés late father built our house, etc.). My fiancé bought the property from them a couple years ago so that they didn’t have to struggle to pay the mortgage on a fixed income.
However, my fiancé’s aunt is extremely unstable. I’ve heard endless stories about drug use, alcohol use, mental illness, and very erratic behavior. When I first moved in last year, she was staying at his grandparents house on the property. Some drama went down and then she was kicked out, bounced around places, was in jail, then was living on someone’s porch in a tent. She was not invited to our engagement party last September, and we told his grandparents that she wouldn’t be invited to our wedding.
A couple months ago she was in a “house fire” while living on said porch in said tent. She was hospitalized for a week with burns. Originally his grandpa said that she would not be living with them after she was released, but of course, his grandma overruled him, and she came back to stay with them. A couple weeks later we hear that there’s a rumor that potentially she started the fire on purpose in an attempt to kill herself and the people she was staying with… we live in a small town and word gets around quick. Another family member tells the cops what they’ve heard, but beyond that there hasn’t been any investigation that we’re aware of. His grandma is very much in denial about this rumor and gets very upset if any anything bad is mentioned about his aunt.
Here’s the big dilemma… She’s still living there, and we’re only 30 days away from the wedding. We kept thinking she’d leave on her own like she usually does but nope. I’ve been telling my fiancé that he needs to talk with his grandparents about what the plan is but He’s been a little worried that it could spiral and cause a lot of drama between us and them, and worst case his grandma says we can’t have the wedding there anymore… and an even worse case is that his aunt does something crazy to sabotage the day.
My fiancé’s mom has been fully on our side in all of this and sick of the aunts behavior. She is going to talk to them first later today so that the heat isn’t on us. I told my fiancé that if it doesn’t go well, we will be over there to have the conversation ourselves.
On top of all the other wedding stress, this is just starting to get to me and I hate it Like I said, I’m a little worried about her being vindictive about not being invited AND being kicked out. Will she break windows in the cars that are parked on the street? Show up drunk and high?Light OUR house on fire? I don’t think a restraining order is necessary at this point obviously, but I’ve already come up with a plan that if she shows up on the day of the wedding the police will be called.
My fiancé and I have talked about it a lot, endlessly, and he’s completely supportive of whatever I wanna do and knows that he’s gonna have to deal with this. For me it’s a little more simple because they’re my in-laws , but it’s his family and a little more complex. He also feels embarrassed that this is even an issue.
Family dynamics are sooooo fun 🤗