[US] Modifying Custody Agreement
Been dealing with this for 3 years now.
When I was 4 months postpartum with a fresh tiny little baby, I was involved in a child custody dispute. I was in court for a year over my daughter who wasn’t even 1 year old yet. A year of disagreements until finally we got in front of a judge who didn’t know us from Adam and had to make the final decision for us. The man I was with (her dad) was an alcoholic. He lied to me and he lied ON ME. I brought him to court because I knew there was never going to be peace involved with him. I needed something in writing and a schedule that couldn’t be broken. I needed it to say he cannot threaten to hold my baby from me and that when she was in his care I would be able to get her back. I needed it on paper that he was to not ride around drinking and driving with my child in the car. My biggest fear was that he may get drunk, get behind the wheel, and have a wreck. Then I’d no longer have her. But the system? The world we live in today? That didn’t matter. Pretty sure he paid more in lawyer fees than I did. They gave him joint legal custody and to pay “xxx” amount of child support. We still follow the 50/50 custody today due to the fact he doesn’t go out of town to work anymore since we split. He owes me over 19 grand pushing 20 next month. There is nothing in writing stating that this man cannot drive my child around and doesn’t have a driver license because he failed to attend court dates from previous DUI’s in the state he previously lived. Fast forward today, he is serving a felony DUI sentence in the state we both currently reside in (house arrest not prison). With that being said he is on probation (I have the circuit clerk filed papers in my email) Now, we (me and my family) are in the process of moving to the state where we (me and Childs father) are from and also where he was before he was mandated to come live in this state for a year and with him having joint legal custody he has a say in where she will attend school. He doesn’t agree and says he wants her to attend school in the state where he’s serving his felony dui sentence. So with no agreement that means we have to go back to court right? I don’t have the money to get another lawyer. And by no means am I trying to take his time away from our daughter, but the schedule we have now isn’t going to work due to the fact my oldest starts kindergarten and I also have a 7 month old. Also, with him being on probation from my understanding he cannot cross state lines so when we do swap her I will have to bring her to the state he’s serving sentence or meet halfway. I have requested arrest records and charges from the local county jail where he was arrested back in February and was told that I have to have a lawyer to access that. Again, I can’t afford a lawyer. I need the records to show that I can give better stability, and her dad’s actions are an ongoing pattern. It took getting him in drug court, attending AA meetings, and getting on house arrest to force him to stop his reckless behavior. Needless to say a little bird informed me that he violated his probation one month into living in the state he’s serving his dui sentence where he is currently on house arrest so maybe he thought he would get away with it, but they showed him that they were serious this time. I don’t put it past him to go back to his ways when his one year is up because he truly thinks he is above the law. I also think this punishment was a slap on the wrist and the system doesn’t take things seriously until a drunk driver kills themselves or an innocent person in the car or someone driving on the road themselves. I also went to the chancery court to request a modification in the custody order and was told I need a lawyer again.. Even though that is not true. Arrest records and charges are public record. And you can represent yourself in court (pro se) but they keep saying I have to have a lawyer.
We will move in less than a month to our home where my oldest daughter is starting kindergarten and my youngest babies will attend daycare. We will be on a structured routine. We will have a schedule. I’ve read that it can take “weeks” or “months” to get free legal help. How will I continue this schedule in the midst of bringing my children to school, going to work, and swapping her out in the middle of the week causing her to be absent from school?
All I am requesting is that we change our schedule to one weekend out of the month, middle of the year school breaks, and summer break and that she remain in my primary care during the week because all of the children in our household need stability and to be with their siblings. She also needs her parent with a valid license to drive her to and from appointments. She also needs a mom who can work to support her since her dad doesn’t help in daycare fees (which is also contempt of our current order) and child support. We also are moving to this state to be closer to my fiances work because he is our primary source of income when she is in our care. The school system in the state we’re moving to is also rated better than the one he wants to send her to. It is beneficial for her to say the least. Willing to take advice!