u/Awkward-Flounder799

I'm a female follower. One thing I've seen a lot and find infuriating is that, during classes, if they haven't danced with me or seen me dance before, far too many men will 1. Assume I'm not as experienced as they are and 2. Proceed to teach me or correct me based on the assumption that it couldn't possibly be their lead that is at fault. The reality is that I'm usually more experienced than they are (I choose to do the middle classes even though I don't need to because I don't love all the fancy stuff in the higher classes) and I'm a skilled follower. When they realise I'm good, they then respond with a patronising 'oh! You're doing great!' rather than a contrite 'my bad, didn't realise you were experienced'. These same men often try to correct my following unasked-for (and unnecessarily as I know when it's my following that's the problem).

When I am in a class with someone I haven't danced with before, my default assumption is that 'they know what they're doing. If they then turn out to be struggling, I don't offer help unless they ask. I don't back-lead and I'm cheerful and friendly and act as though we're both figuring it out together.

The point of this post is...men, I'm sorry, but this experience happens far more with men than with women, in life and in salsa. Please don't do it! It makes the experience horrible for the woman and it doesn't help you or your follow learn what you're being taught. Have a bit of humility, don't jump in to teach unless asked, in social dancing, don't keep trying to lead the same thing and tutting when your follow can't follow it (unless you're clear with her that you're trying to get the lead right and can she help you figure it out). Remember that dancing is about a shared connection with the music and with each other and there's no room for egos.

If you think you don't do this, please open your mind to the possibility that you do. Most men do it entirely subconsciously and understandably so - you were conditioned by the patriarchy to think you are the default human. But you're not - check your privilege and try to notice if you do this. Because if you do, it might be the reason you don't get as many dances during social dancing AND you just won't improve as quickly as you could.

I'm 46, late diagnosed AuDHD and, obviously, aware of changes that suggest I'm peri-menopausal. I am looking for advice, company, validation, ideas...anything really. I'm just very, very bored by life at the moment and have been for a long time. I used to get hyper-excited by new ideas and then get totally hyper-focused on them. But I've been in my current job for 5 years (the longest before that was 20 months, because I used to just get bored and then get excited for something else). I kind of like it, but I know I'm bored with it. But there's nothing else I could turn to or do or am even interested in right now because the issue isn't what I'm doing or not doing, it's how I'm feeling. My main hobby isn't really doing it for me at the moment. But, again, there's nothing AT ALL making me feel like I used to when I was younger - desperate to get started on it and to get started RIGHT now; a need to buy ALL THE STUFF related to it - books, equipment; and total obsession with it for a long time. Just everything is meh to me and it's making me sad. It's hard to know what is post-diagnosis bleurgh, what is peri-menopause and, regardless, what on earth to do about it.

I've been off sick from work for 4 weeks with autistic burnout. Have at least another week off. I don't want to go back. I'm 46, late diagnosed. I feel like I've had enough living now and just don't want to go back to my life involving doing everything I can to just cope with being alive. I've been this ill several times in my life, but have always left my job and got a new one while off sick. That's not looking possible at all this time round. My work is genuinely supportive but I'm still so burnt out and having really shitty days the day after doing anything remotely challenging. I'm feeling despairing.