some old mistakes
When I was 14-16, I got pretty heavily involved in this one gaming community. Pretty niche one, kind of a place where everyone knows everyone. I started getting into it around 14, but I really got into it around 15. My dad kicked me out of the house for arguing, so I got sent to live with my mom and go to a new school in a different state.
There was a shooting at a school game just weeks before I came, and I was already pretty depressed. So, uh, I started just skipping school all the time. I don't think I even hit 100 days of attendance there. instead of high school, I got really into this video game place.
My dad didn't talk to me for the whole year, so I ended up following around this older guy in that community. He was around 30s-40s, very successful, pretty likable, if a bit hard sometimes.
I came into that community with a few people I had met online, like... 2 years before? When I was 12-13. They thought I was 18 and a woman, which I said I was. I started drifting from that friend group, hanging out more and more with this other friend group centered around this older guy.
Anyways, a split happens, and both of these groups, the guy who brought me there, and the guy I had kinda adopted as a pseudo-father were beefing. At this point, I was pretty high up in the community and was addicted to both alcohol and pain pills that I stole from around the house.
This intitial friend group that had brought me into the community was now splitting off to make their own community. So... The guy I had kinda taken up as a 2nd dad encouraged me to make false allegations against them to shut it down. I did, and it worked.
Besides ruining the rep of one friend, I also believe I was the last straw that caused another unwell, but really nice guy we were friends with to kill himself. He was really passionate about this 2nd community he was making, and when I sunk it, he disappeared. We found out half a year later he killed himself.
It's been around five years since then; I'm an adult now, and I still talk to some of the guys from it. The guy I accused falsely has forgiven me, but I still can't really get over it. Everyone has told me to get over it, even him, and I was young, but I just can't. It still makes me cry whenever I think of it. I'm convinced I'm going to go to hell for this, I'd deserve it.