u/BTCShezza

I’m looking for perspectives from people who have lived through something similar, either as the spouse or as the person who went through trauma and mental health challenges.
My husband and I have been married for 19 years and have two children (11 and 13).
Before I explain my concerns, I want to say that I love him and have a lot of compassion for what he has been through. This isn’t a post from someone who wants to attack their partner. It’s from someone who feels increasingly lost and unsure what to do.
Before active military service, he was part of a mefloquine trial. Following that period, he experienced significant anger issues. He later served in the police force and was exposed to traumatic events that contributed to PTSD and depression.
In 2023, he experienced a serious mental health crisis and was involuntarily hospitalized after spending around $60,000 on domain names. Since then, he has received psychiatric treatment and was prescribed medication. More recently, he gradually stopped the medication under the supervision of his psychiatrist because he felt emotionally numb and was struggling with side effects. He wanted to feel like himself again.
The problem is that over the years I feel like I’ve watched a gradual personality shift.
He has become intensely distrustful of institutions and authority. He is strongly anti-government, anti-monarchy, anti-pharmaceutical companies, anti-police, anti-AI, and anti-Department of Veterans’ Affairs. Every conversation seems to circle back to these topics. He sees himself as simply telling the truth and exposing things that others don’t want to hear.
I’m not saying all of his opinions are wrong. Some criticisms of institutions are completely valid. My concern is the intensity, the constant focus, and the way it dominates our family life.
I find myself worrying about how he comes across to friends and family. I worry about social isolation. I worry about our children growing up hearing constant negativity, distrust, and anger toward the world.
Most of all, I worry about what kind of relationship we are modelling for our kids.
I want my children to see a relationship built on connection, laughter, mutual support, growth, and emotional safety. Instead, I often feel exhausted, disconnected, and responsible for managing the emotional atmosphere of our home.
At the same time, I feel guilty even writing this.
This is a man who has served his country, served his community, experienced trauma, struggled with PTSD and depression, and has been through a psychiatric hospitalization. Part of me feels that leaving would be abandoning someone who has already suffered so much.
Another part of me wonders whether staying is teaching my children that it’s normal to remain in a relationship where you feel unhappy, disconnected, and increasingly alone.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How do you tell the difference between supporting someone through trauma and sacrificing your own wellbeing?
If you stayed, what helped?
If you left, how did you know it was time?
And if you’ve been the person struggling with trauma, PTSD, depression, or intense distrust of the world, what do you wish your spouse had understood?
I’m genuinely looking for perspective from all sides.

TL;DR: After years of trauma, PTSD, depression, and a recent mental health crisis, my husband has become increasingly distrustful, negative, and consumed by anti-institution views, which is affecting our marriage and family life. I love him and sympathize with what he’s been through, but I’m struggling to decide whether to keep supporting him or leave for the sake of my own wellbeing and our children.

I’m looking for perspectives from people who have lived through something similar, either as the spouse or as the person who went through trauma and mental health challenges.
My husband and I have been married for 19 years and have two children (11 and 13).
Before I explain my concerns, I want to say that I love him and have a lot of compassion for what he has been through. This isn’t a post from someone who wants to attack their partner. It’s from someone who feels increasingly lost and unsure what to do.
Before active military service, he was part of a mefloquine trial. Following that period, he experienced significant anger issues. He later served in the police force and was exposed to traumatic events that contributed to PTSD and depression.
In 2023, he experienced a serious mental health crisis and was involuntarily hospitalized after spending around $60,000 on domain names. Since then, he has received psychiatric treatment and was prescribed medication. More recently, he gradually stopped the medication under the supervision of his psychiatrist because he felt emotionally numb and was struggling with side effects. He wanted to feel like himself again.
The problem is that over the years I feel like I’ve watched a gradual personality shift.
He has become intensely distrustful of institutions and authority. He is strongly anti-government, anti-monarchy, anti-pharmaceutical companies, anti-police, anti-AI, and anti-Department of Veterans’ Affairs. Every conversation seems to circle back to these topics. He sees himself as simply telling the truth and exposing things that others don’t want to hear.
I’m not saying all of his opinions are wrong. Some criticisms of institutions are completely valid. My concern is the intensity, the constant focus, and the way it dominates our family life.
I find myself worrying about how he comes across to friends and family. I worry about social isolation. I worry about our children growing up hearing constant negativity, distrust, and anger toward the world.
Most of all, I worry about what kind of relationship we are modelling for our kids.
I want my children to see a relationship built on connection, laughter, mutual support, growth, and emotional safety. Instead, I often feel exhausted, disconnected, and responsible for managing the emotional atmosphere of our home.
At the same time, I feel guilty even writing this.
This is a man who has served his country, served his community, experienced trauma, struggled with PTSD and depression, and has been through a psychiatric hospitalization. Part of me feels that leaving would be abandoning someone who has already suffered so much.
Another part of me wonders whether staying is teaching my children that it’s normal to remain in a relationship where you feel unhappy, disconnected, and increasingly alone.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How do you tell the difference between supporting someone through trauma and sacrificing your own wellbeing?
If you stayed, what helped?
If you left, how did you know it was time?
And if you’ve been the person struggling with trauma, PTSD, depression, or intense distrust of the world, what do you wish your spouse had understood?
I’m genuinely looking for perspective from all sides.

TL;DR: After years of trauma, PTSD, depression, and a recent mental health crisis, my husband has become increasingly distrustful, negative, and consumed by anti-institution views, which is affecting our marriage and family life. I love him and sympathize with what he’s been through, but I’m struggling to decide whether to keep supporting him or leave for the sake of my own wellbeing and our children.

TL;DR: After years of trauma, PTSD, depression, and a recent mental health crisis, my husband has become increasingly distrustful, negative, and consumed by anti-institution views, which is affecting our marriage and family life. I love him and sympathize with what he’s been through, but I’m struggling to decide whether to keep supporting him or leave for the sake of my own wellbeing and our children.

I’m looking for perspectives from people who have lived through something similar, either as the spouse or as the person who went through trauma and mental health challenges.
My husband and I have been married for 19 years and have two children (11 and 13).
Before I explain my concerns, I want to say that I love him and have a lot of compassion for what he has been through. This isn’t a post from someone who wants to attack their partner. It’s from someone who feels increasingly lost and unsure what to do.
Before active military service, he was part of a mefloquine trial. Following that period, he experienced significant anger issues. He later served in the police force and was exposed to traumatic events that contributed to PTSD and depression.
In 2023, he experienced a serious mental health crisis and was involuntarily hospitalized after spending around $60,000 on domain names. Since then, he has received psychiatric treatment and was prescribed medication. More recently, he gradually stopped the medication under the supervision of his psychiatrist because he felt emotionally numb and was struggling with side effects. He wanted to feel like himself again.
The problem is that over the years I feel like I’ve watched a gradual personality shift.
He has become intensely distrustful of institutions and authority. He is strongly anti-government, anti-monarchy, anti-pharmaceutical companies, anti-police, anti-AI, and anti-Department of Veterans’ Affairs. Every conversation seems to circle back to these topics. He sees himself as simply telling the truth and exposing things that others don’t want to hear.
I’m not saying all of his opinions are wrong. Some criticisms of institutions are completely valid. My concern is the intensity, the constant focus, and the way it dominates our family life.
I find myself worrying about how he comes across to friends and family. I worry about social isolation. I worry about our children growing up hearing constant negativity, distrust, and anger toward the world.
Most of all, I worry about what kind of relationship we are modelling for our kids.
I want my children to see a relationship built on connection, laughter, mutual support, growth, and emotional safety. Instead, I often feel exhausted, disconnected, and responsible for managing the emotional atmosphere of our home.
At the same time, I feel guilty even writing this.
This is a man who has served his country, served his community, experienced trauma, struggled with PTSD and depression, and has been through a psychiatric hospitalization. Part of me feels that leaving would be abandoning someone who has already suffered so much.
Another part of me wonders whether staying is teaching my children that it’s normal to remain in a relationship where you feel unhappy, disconnected, and increasingly alone.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How do you tell the difference between supporting someone through trauma and sacrificing your own wellbeing?
If you stayed, what helped?
If you left, how did you know it was time?
And if you’ve been the person struggling with trauma, PTSD, depression, or intense distrust of the world, what do you wish your spouse had understood?
I’m genuinely looking for perspective from all sides.